The 5 Love Languages can make or break a relationship. It’s key to understand you’re language and your partner's love language, so you both can determine what is needed to feel loved. The 5 Love Languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Do you know your Love Language?
On today’s episode of Black Girl Fly, Tenisha and Tashaunda discuss the Love Languages, finding yours, and how they can change.
Join the conversation on Instagram and let us know your Love Language and if it has changed. How has your Love Language affected your relationships? @blackgirlflyofficial
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
[:23] Introduction
[:36] Love Languages and Changing Love Languages
[8:53] Find your Love Language and Retest Later
[12:10] Takeaways
CONNECT WITH US
Website: www.blackgirlflyofficial.com
Email: hello@podcast2impact.com
Instagram: @blackgirlflyofficial
BGF Products here
Join Robinhood with my link and we'll both pick our own free stock
I'm using Acorns and I love how easy it is to save and invest for my future. Join me and you'll get a free $5 investment!
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The 5 Love Languages can make or break a relationship. It’s key to understand you’re language and your partner's love language, so you both can determine what is needed to feel loved. The 5 Love Languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Do you know your Love Language?
On today’s episode of Black Girl Fly, Tenisha and Tashaunda discuss the Love Languages, finding yours, and how they can change.
Join the conversation on Instagram and let us know your Love Language and if it has changed. How has your Love Language affected your relationships? @blackgirlflyofficial
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
[:23] Introduction
[:36] Love Languages and Changing Love Languages
[8:53] Find your Love Language and Retest Later
[12:10] Takeaways
CONNECT WITH US
Website: www.blackgirlflyofficial.com
Email: hello@podcast2impact.com
Instagram: @blackgirlflyofficial
BGF Products here
Join Robinhood with my link and we'll both pick our own free stock
I'm using Acorns and I love how easy it is to save and invest for my future. Join me and you'll get a free $5 investment!
Click here to receive Southwest Rapid Rewards
Click here to learn more about Gusto Payroll
02:34:35:19 - 02:34:40:09
Speaker 1
Welcome back to another episode of Black Girl Fly. I'm your girl, Tanisha, Nicole.
02:34:40:09 - 02:34:41:16
Speaker 2
And I'm Shana Dixon.
02:34:42:06 - 02:34:49:00
Speaker 1
And today we are talking about love languages. Hey. Okay, I'm selling.
02:34:49:11 - 02:34:51:14
Speaker 2
All right, you got to tell me why you're excited over there.
02:34:52:01 - 02:35:11:12
Speaker 1
Well, I said I'd be excited, but, um, so I have recently, and my relationship had some troubles. Okay. And trying to figure out, like, what that was and realize that my love languages have changed. Really? Yes. Okay. Yes.
02:35:11:19 - 02:35:19:10
Speaker 2
Like, so how long ago have we. Are we talking like, when did you understand that it was different?
02:35:19:14 - 02:35:24:19
Speaker 1
Okay, let's. Let's take a step back. Okay. We we did an episode on love languages. And so it's.
02:35:24:19 - 02:35:26:03
Speaker 2
Been a while. Couple seasons.
02:35:26:10 - 02:35:32:14
Speaker 1
Then a minute. Okay, so let's just revisit it for the newcomers. What are the love languages? Care to share?
02:35:33:06 - 02:35:44:03
Speaker 2
Well, I can name a few, so I know that one is, like, quality time. Mm hmm. One, like gifs and, you know, whatever. One is touch.
02:35:44:16 - 02:35:45:05
Speaker 1
Mm hmm.
02:35:45:17 - 02:35:49:10
Speaker 2
Oh, what's the other one? Um. Oh, man.
02:35:50:09 - 02:35:52:10
Speaker 1
More intimate words of affirmation.
02:35:52:10 - 02:35:52:19
Speaker 2
Yeah.
02:35:53:07 - 02:35:54:12
Speaker 1
And acts of service.
02:35:54:13 - 02:35:57:21
Speaker 2
Oh, you actually know that one? That's the one. That's your. Yes.
02:35:58:12 - 02:36:35:08
Speaker 1
But those those five love languages where I don't know when they were created, but there's a book I think Gary Chapman is the artist is the artist. He's the author. And I think he wrote it to help people in relationship get through hard times, but really just to connect better at a foundational level. And so so I don't know if first time I heard about love languages long, long time ago and and back then I would say my love languages were quality time and physical physical touch.
02:36:35:08 - 02:37:04:10
Speaker 1
Back then, not so much, but it was still my secondary as I started to get into relationships and, you know, date and do that like quality time still has been my number one. I think that whole entire time. But more recently, acts of service is now my secondary. Yeah. And I never thought about that. It never even made my top three, you know, like, I did not know that.
02:37:04:22 - 02:37:13:22
Speaker 1
And I don't know when it changed. But for sure, in this current relationship, it's definitely been that for a long time.
02:37:14:16 - 02:37:36:09
Speaker 2
Well, I was going to say, is it more about how you think that a person shows up for you like or is it like based on like things that they struggle with? So, like, thinking about like for me, I'm not a gift person, so I never like gifts. But the reason behind why I never like gifts because I felt like they they didn't have to be thoughtful.
02:37:36:09 - 02:37:55:13
Speaker 2
Right? Like it was just the easy way to pacify someone and just get them a gift. Right. And so I kind of like, like hearing that I created not that I don't like gifts. I mean, I like gifts, but I didn't equate that to them really showing me that they cared about me. I felt like it was something that they can do for anyone, which is why I didn't value it as much.
02:37:55:13 - 02:37:55:18
Speaker 2
Right?
02:37:55:22 - 02:38:00:03
Speaker 1
Right. So you like the gift if it's an act of service?
02:38:00:04 - 02:38:00:21
Speaker 2
Yes.
02:38:01:03 - 02:38:09:08
Speaker 1
If they really put in the work. Yeah. So, like, maybe not a piece of, you know, some earrings, but maybe, like, washing the dishes.
02:38:09:18 - 02:38:25:02
Speaker 2
I mean, even, like, I would, like, stop. Have you thought about. So, like, the other day, for instance, I was complaining about my phone. I was like, oh, I think my my charging port is going out. Well, I was chatting with someone and they had one of those ones where you just sit in on the base and it charges.
02:38:25:06 - 02:38:44:07
Speaker 2
And I was like, Oh, that's cool. I probably should get that. Like, for me, this didn't happen. But like, if someone came back behind me like next week and gave it for me, I would appreciate it. Not because they actually went out and got me something, but because they heard me. They understood my need and they went specifically to meet my need in doing that.
02:38:44:08 - 02:38:45:02
Speaker 2
Does that make sense?
02:38:45:03 - 02:38:49:13
Speaker 1
It does. And I mean, to me, that feels more like an act of service.
02:38:49:13 - 02:38:53:02
Speaker 2
That I did it and that I did agree that it's more of an act of service.
02:38:53:02 - 02:38:59:19
Speaker 1
And I think I think my act of service is what I was perceiving as quality time.
02:39:00:03 - 02:39:00:20
Speaker 2
Okay, explain.
02:39:00:21 - 02:39:01:14
Speaker 1
I know that.
02:39:02:03 - 02:39:04:15
Speaker 2
You got to bring this that what I'm hearing.
02:39:05:20 - 02:39:32:20
Speaker 1
So we grew up in a family that didn't live together. And so Sami, obviously my family like two or three times a year, and that was like normal. And so I, you know, I always would say like, oh, quality time. Like being with them would matter. But what actually mattered was them physically coming to see me. And like it was that acts so to speak.
02:39:32:20 - 02:39:40:22
Speaker 1
Yeah. Of coming and making the time that really meant the most to me, I think is the same thing I was just saying, you know, like, like.
02:39:40:22 - 02:39:55:19
Speaker 2
Like I think that. So I was going to go on to the other one so you could see how this would apply to different ones. But like, like the quality time being like, I think the reason that that could be important is because it's not that they're actually like just they're that you need them to be with you.
02:39:55:23 - 02:40:02:16
Speaker 2
Right? It's a day for saying something else and chose to be with you versus choosing to do something else. Yeah. Like, does that make sense?
02:40:02:17 - 02:40:03:00
Speaker 1
Yeah.
02:40:03:01 - 02:40:17:15
Speaker 2
Yeah. And so I think that for me, may or may be and I want you to think of this since you said you love languages, change, is it because the people have changed? So like being present is harder for one person than another person or like that kind of thing?
02:40:18:09 - 02:40:31:08
Speaker 1
Yeah. I mean, I think that can be I think that can be real. One thing that hasn't changed for me when I took this test again, my gift scored it absolutely zero.
02:40:32:03 - 02:40:37:07
Speaker 2
Like we know you know, I know you don't like it literally. Like I grabbed it for myself.
02:40:39:03 - 02:41:00:09
Speaker 1
And I mean, I think it's quite I mean, I don't know if I think it's funny, but I think it's interesting that you and I both have very low on the gifts front in but like I really appreciate like if somebody writes me a card. Yeah. Like, I have kept every card that I've ever received, like in the last 20 years.
02:41:00:09 - 02:41:02:23
Speaker 1
I have them. So I have every single one.
02:41:03:00 - 02:41:05:14
Speaker 2
Oh, wow. I think it gives.
02:41:05:21 - 02:41:06:23
Speaker 1
Every gift gives out.
02:41:08:14 - 02:41:09:15
Speaker 2
That this is my gift.
02:41:09:15 - 02:41:12:18
Speaker 1
Pile. I do have a gift. I really do.
02:41:12:19 - 02:41:14:19
Speaker 2
I use about a few weeks ago. Yeah.
02:41:15:08 - 02:41:33:08
Speaker 1
That's. That comes in handy. It really does. There is a gift that I got. I didn't. It went in the gift gift section, and I didn't open it until like two years later. And I was like, Oh, this is kind of cute. So I kept it like two.
02:41:33:08 - 02:41:33:23
Speaker 2
Years later.
02:41:33:23 - 02:41:40:17
Speaker 1
Two years later. Now I use it all the time. I was like, Just throw this to the pile.
02:41:40:23 - 02:41:48:20
Speaker 2
That's funny. So, okay, so a of languages. So I do. So my love languages are actually service.
02:41:49:18 - 02:41:51:05
Speaker 1
That's number one.
02:41:52:14 - 02:41:54:07
Speaker 2
Quality time is probably my number one.
02:41:54:07 - 02:41:57:00
Speaker 1
Okay, I'm gonna send you this cause you need to take this again.
02:41:57:04 - 02:42:06:05
Speaker 2
Yeah, it's been a while, so I'm trying to remember what it was, but, um. Okay, I think so. Like to say, after having kids, I don't wanna be touched at all.
02:42:07:23 - 02:42:11:14
Speaker 1
But because you are a cuddle monster. No, not all.
02:42:11:14 - 02:42:30:16
Speaker 2
My family is cuddled like they are. They are like. I feel attached. Like I'm like, please get away. It's not touching me. I feel terrible though, because like my oldest daughter, she is like a touch. Like, she's just like and she she like unconsciously like, touches people. And I'm like, oh, stop, touch.
02:42:31:18 - 02:42:49:13
Speaker 1
I don't mind, but your kids be dirty. And I'd be like, I'd be like, where have your hands? I was like, Whoa, wash your hands right now. Oh, I love them. Like, their kids. Think that's normal. Like, oh, my God.
02:42:49:16 - 02:42:54:07
Speaker 2
Yeah, my kids, they are that phase where they like, like bugs and animals. And yet.
02:42:54:17 - 02:43:03:06
Speaker 1
You know, that's why I'm like, I would touch you out more. But the other is like.
02:43:03:21 - 02:43:08:22
Speaker 2
Okay, okay. So are you saying to people about that you need to retest like.
02:43:08:22 - 02:43:21:23
Speaker 1
Yes, I think that's the message. Number one, if you don't know what you are. Figure it out. Number two, if you thought you knew what you were, you need to probably figure it out again. Just retest to see if I'll do that.
02:43:21:23 - 02:43:28:13
Speaker 2
Cause it's been it's been a long time. And I, you know, think about things in a different relationships. That's been a really long time.
02:43:28:18 - 02:43:47:14
Speaker 1
Yeah. And that's the thing, too, that you're saying, like if is in a different relationship, different context, different situation, you might need different things. Yeah. In, in, yeah. In this app. Let me see what it would have called because I'm a recommended TR because I like it shares with you the percentage that you have in each of the books.
02:43:47:21 - 02:43:51:22
Speaker 2
So it's not just like just you. You'd have to and you don't really know how those really divide.
02:43:52:06 - 02:44:02:15
Speaker 1
And so you can see the percentage across all five that's I know yes. Is zero I think is is absolutely zero. It is called the love node. Is that.
02:44:02:17 - 02:44:04:11
Speaker 2
Okay? The love node just.
02:44:04:11 - 02:44:08:13
Speaker 1
Yes. And if you really want to get spicy.
02:44:08:13 - 02:44:09:17
Speaker 2
Spicy. Okay.
02:44:09:17 - 02:44:13:06
Speaker 1
Well, we would say you can invite your partner on there.
02:44:13:19 - 02:44:30:20
Speaker 2
So they want to say it to you. So so in the book, guys that they point out that lots of times we try to show our partners love by our own love language, not our partner's love language. And so I just want to make sure we say that. I know it's we said in the last episode that we talked about this, but it was a long time ago.
02:44:31:03 - 02:44:47:10
Speaker 2
But guys, you've got to figure out what your partner's love language is because they don't appreciate the thing that you appreciate available language is not the same. And so y you feel like your point in all this, whatever they probably don't feel like like you do if you're not really in their language right?
02:44:47:10 - 02:45:03:02
Speaker 1
Yeah. I'm like, I remember I had a boyfriend who like, Christmas was so big in their house, like, they loved it and like, they literally go around the circle, open every single gift in front of everybody, in front of everybody.
02:45:03:02 - 02:45:04:00
Speaker 2
Like the whole family.
02:45:04:00 - 02:45:17:13
Speaker 1
The entire family. And you have to read every looking glass. Yes. It was the most traumatizing experience I have ever had. And then it's like you don't really know these people that well.
02:45:17:23 - 02:45:25:03
Speaker 2
And so like a dollar value different. Like he'd be like, oh, they get like iPhone and you gave me a $10 gift card.
02:45:25:10 - 02:45:33:06
Speaker 1
Right? They never would. It's like you won't even know what I like, why? I have the fake smile.
02:45:34:04 - 02:45:35:16
Speaker 2
That does that. But each I was like, it.
02:45:35:16 - 02:46:09:20
Speaker 1
Was really horrible, insulting, you know, sorry, but zero zero on the gifts. Okay. And don't traumatize me anymore. Really. But yeah, so I was. Hey, I know your partners love language so that you can make some adjustments to how you operate in order to meet their needs, which is super important. And so in the app, they actually you can connect with your partner on that and it will give you suggestions and things that you could do that they would appreciate.
02:46:10:03 - 02:46:27:17
Speaker 1
Okay. And I'm like, it sounds a little corny and I know, but I think it's is a good little cheat sheet. We had technology. Why not use it for our benefit? Yeah, that's what it's there for. Yes. So any other last words on the topic of love languages for the people?
02:46:28:19 - 02:46:33:13
Speaker 2
No, I think that's good. I think when we take the.
02:46:33:13 - 02:46:41:22
Speaker 1
Test, that's it. Yes. And then she'll give you an update on a future episode on how that is going. Yeah. All right. Yeah. So until the next time I'm your girlfriend.
02:46:42:13 - 02:46:43:03
Speaker 2
And I'm Janet.
02:46:43:03 - 02:47:04:19
Speaker 1
Dixon, and we are a black girl. Fly.