Do Your Kids Think you're Poor and Does it Matter?

Today's episode of Black Girl Fly is for the parents. Do your kids think you're poor and what does that mean for them and you? Tenisha and Tashaunda look back at their childhoods to determine how this question affected their relationships with peers, parents, and the wider world. 

Does it matter? How will these feelings impact my children? These questions and more will be answered with Tenisha and Tashaunda as they unravel poignant questions from one of Tashaunda's children.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
[:23] Introduction
[:50] Do your Kids Think you're Poor?
[3:22] Does it Matter?
[6:03] How Did you Know?
[13:15] What's the Impact?
[19:46] Instill Appreciation
[23:39] Takeaways 

CONNECT WITH US
Website: www.blackgirlflyofficial.com
Email: hello@podcast2impact.com
Instagram:  @blackgirlflyofficial

BGF Products here

Join Robinhood with my link and we'll both pick our own free stock

I'm using Acorns and I love how easy it is to save and invest for my future. Join me and you'll get a free $5 investment!

Click here to receive Southwest Rapid Rewards

Click here to learn more about Gusto Payroll

Mortgage Connects, an MGIC Podcast
Insights and tips from top mortgage industry pros!

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Sales Bluebird for leaders and go-to-market teams at cyber security startups
Tips, tricks, ideas and inspiration from legendary cyber security CEOs and CROs

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

The Brave Marketer
Many of the most memorable brand campaigns have been driven by cutting-edge marketers

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Transcript

01;19;49;09 - 01;19;55;11
Speaker 1
Fly. Welcome back to another episode of Black Girl Fly. I'm Your Girl, Tanisha, Nicole.

01;19;55;11 - 01;19;56;15
Speaker 2
And I'm Shannon Dixon.

01;19;57;02 - 01;19;59;08
Speaker 1
Yeah, I'm feeling my fill of myself.

01;19;59;08 - 01;20;03;24
Speaker 3
And this is we have had a great day, like. Yes. Oh, did.

01;20;03;25 - 01;20;08;27
Speaker 1
I really feel it right, though? Over here? I feel like a news reporter or something. I need to put my sexy voice.

01;20;08;29 - 01;20;10;27
Speaker 2
Oh, no, it's not sexy.

01;20;11;05 - 01;20;16;06
Speaker 3
Again. That's good. Yeah. Oh, girl, go there. All right. Welcome back to that episode of.

01;20;16;06 - 01;20;19;10
Speaker 1
Let Go Like I Am. You go to niece Nicole.

01;20;19;10 - 01;20;20;20
Speaker 2
And I'm the sound of exit.

01;20;20;20 - 01;20;34;16
Speaker 1
And today we're talking about a topic that I find hilarious. But the question now here is, do your kids think you're poor and does it matter if they do?

01;20;34;16 - 01;20;36;22
Speaker 3
Yeah, that was why we're here. But we've had.

01;20;36;22 - 01;21;02;25
Speaker 2
A number of parenting segments. So this comes from, you know, our parents, my parents and the experience. But so just to kind of give you guys a little of the history here, my daughter the other day, she's like she kept asking me, how much does it cost? And after like three separate questions, I mean, mainly throughout the day of how much stuff costs, I go, Why are you asking me how much stuff cost?

01;21;02;26 - 01;21;22;00
Speaker 2
You have a job, are you going to pay for it? I she was like, Well, I just wanted to know if it's expensive or not. And I was like, So what makes something expensive? And she's like, Well, I just mean, if you can afford it or not. And I'm still, by the way, wanted in my head how she knows if you can afford something or not.

01;21;22;04 - 01;21;43;14
Speaker 2
But she goes, well, if it's expensive, then we probably can't afford it. And I go like, what? What are you talking about? And she was like, uh, like going to Disney World. So we promise to take back BackStory. We promise to take the girls to Disney World when Olivia turns ten and Erin, I'll be like eight or something like that.

01;21;44;02 - 01;21;47;18
Speaker 2
And we were going to do it though, because they can't remember anything we did for them.

01;21;47;19 - 01;21;48;24
Speaker 3
It's still exact.

01;21;49;21 - 01;22;04;16
Speaker 2
So we're like, We want you guys. We want to know that you guys both will remember this and we're going to get a lot of money on it and that you appreciate the fact that we took you here. And so I was like to her, I'm like, that's not why we decided not to take you to Disney World.

01;22;05;04 - 01;22;22;14
Speaker 2
And she's like, Really? And she's like, Well, what about our birthday party? So back story and birthday party is we decided actually that we were going to surprise her and take her to Disney World at the end of the month, not on her birthday, because she didn't have after school, but at the end of the month, they have off days where we don't have to pull them out of school.

01;22;23;06 - 01;22;38;22
Speaker 2
And so this was a surprise birthday. And so we told her that we were going to celebrate her birthday later in the month. And the excuse we use is one of her friends at school actually had the birthday the same exact day and she was having her birthday the weekend that we would have had Olivia's birthday. And so we wouldn't do that.

01;22;39;02 - 01;22;57;25
Speaker 2
So here, like would you celebrate your birthday later? Because, you know, your friend already has a birthday party. We're going to go to her birthday party. We're just going to do that later. And so she was like, so I didn't tell her this, right? So she's like, Well, I just figure a birthday party was too expensive. So that's why you guys decided that we couldn't have a birthday party for me this year.

01;22;58;14 - 01;23;06;18
Speaker 2
Mind, we have never not had her birthday party like literally. And my other daughter saying that because we've not thrown her birthday party because.

01;23;06;18 - 01;23;07;23
Speaker 1
You keep having kids around.

01;23;07;23 - 01;23;10;09
Speaker 3
Her birthday. And so for the last two.

01;23;10;09 - 01;23;11;13
Speaker 2
Years, we had a kid.

01;23;11;19 - 01;23;13;16
Speaker 3
Around a birthday. So yes.

01;23;14;10 - 01;23;31;10
Speaker 2
But so I go up to my partner, I'm like, hey, you know, Olivia, things were poor. And he goes, Really? And I was like, Well, I was wondering. I asked, I said, So how do you feel about that? Like, is it bad that she thinks that we're poor? And then we sit there and we thought about we're like, No.

01;23;31;18 - 01;23;33;28
Speaker 3
But I keep thinking we're poor. Exactly.

01;23;34;20 - 01;23;38;20
Speaker 1
That's what I say. I said, What do you think? You're poor so she can hurry up and learn how to read?

01;23;38;21 - 01;23;56;04
Speaker 2
Well, not only that, so I would think about it too. I was like, Well, she probably asked us for less stuff. Yeah. And she's going to really ask her us for things. She only really. Right. Because she thinks that we have, you know, like can't do everything, so it has to be select. So I was like, that might be a good thing.

01;23;56;04 - 01;23;57;14
Speaker 2
We should keep on with that.

01;23;57;14 - 01;23;58;08
Speaker 3
I think this is.

01;23;58;08 - 01;24;06;03
Speaker 1
A good lesson and I think it's I think it's also going to prevent some well, they are already very entitled.

01;24;06;05 - 01;24;06;28
Speaker 3
Yes, they are.

01;24;07;04 - 01;24;12;07
Speaker 1
So think it's actually really going to help out with that? You know, I think so.

01;24;12;07 - 01;24;14;09
Speaker 2
Now I just have to convince the other one, that report.

01;24;15;00 - 01;24;15;12
Speaker 3
I don't.

01;24;15;12 - 01;24;16;08
Speaker 1
Actually think she would.

01;24;16;08 - 01;24;18;18
Speaker 3
Care. Well, no. So she's right.

01;24;18;18 - 01;24;23;22
Speaker 2
Now in this instance, she keeps saying we don't do anything. We don't go anywhere.

01;24;23;23 - 01;24;27;26
Speaker 3
We know, we know, we know in a way. But three weeks ago.

01;24;27;26 - 01;24;32;10
Speaker 2
We took you to Chucky Cheese. On Saturday, we took you to Carole Williams on Sunday.

01;24;33;05 - 01;24;40;25
Speaker 1
So I was like, how quickly they forget, how quickly they forget.

01;24;41;08 - 01;24;48;29
Speaker 2
That's that maybe we get we want the birthday party. And by the way, when I get home, we're decorating the house. I bought a whole bunch of Halloween supplies.

01;24;49;00 - 01;24;49;20
Speaker 1
This girl, two.

01;24;50;05 - 01;24;56;26
Speaker 3
Hundred $40. I have the dollar store. They went up to a dollar. 25.

01;24;56;26 - 01;25;00;18
Speaker 1
GIRL How many? 120 fives go in.

01;25;00;18 - 01;25;05;09
Speaker 3
240 that I would never in my life since I went to the door they had a couple.

01;25;05;09 - 01;25;07;06
Speaker 2
Of $5 item now to like.

01;25;07;06 - 01;25;08;19
Speaker 3
Three. I got like three. Okay. Yeah.

01;25;08;20 - 01;25;11;08
Speaker 1
See how she's trying to make this work and make it.

01;25;11;08 - 01;25;18;15
Speaker 3
Stretch because I don't believe it. You know, they won't let me, but I say, okay, that's unbelievable. Now she's they have $5.

01;25;19;00 - 01;25;20;09
Speaker 1
I don't know if I believe you.

01;25;20;10 - 01;25;24;05
Speaker 2
They have like a58 like a more expensive section of it, but yeah.

01;25;24;07 - 01;25;27;05
Speaker 3
Okay, a couple of 5000. Okay.

01;25;28;00 - 01;25;30;22
Speaker 1
But I would just like everyone who spends that much.

01;25;30;28 - 01;25;35;10
Speaker 3
Dollars, but they actually have some really cool stuff at the dollar store though.

01;25;35;11 - 01;25;40;07
Speaker 1
I love the Dollar store, but I'm saying who's been $140 dollars or not one?

01;25;40;08 - 01;25;42;13
Speaker 2
I was really just taking the mommy moment.

01;25;43;01 - 01;25;45;25
Speaker 1
But was it Lisa, wasn't it Target?

01;25;46;19 - 01;25;50;27
Speaker 3
Yes, I think it is not a dollars, but I will spend it. Target. Exactly.

01;25;51;23 - 01;25;52;23
Speaker 1
Yeah. Target is a.

01;25;52;23 - 01;25;54;22
Speaker 3
Trap. I love it.

01;25;55;07 - 01;25;59;09
Speaker 1
But I'm like, I think, what did you did you think we were poor as kids?

01;25;59;20 - 01;26;02;01
Speaker 2
I did, because we went to school. We were rich.

01;26;02;15 - 01;26;04;27
Speaker 3
It was very obvious that we were poor.

01;26;06;16 - 01;26;12;19
Speaker 2
We had a car that was built in 1992. So actually I think we had like a 1978 car.

01;26;12;20 - 01;26;19;29
Speaker 3
One boy and it was about we were. Yeah, but before that, before.

01;26;19;29 - 01;26;23;00
Speaker 1
We went to school, rich people did you know that we were poor?

01;26;23;00 - 01;26;28;07
Speaker 2
No, I didn't, because everybody else was poor as we were. So we all had the same stuff and.

01;26;28;18 - 01;26;34;06
Speaker 3
Right, yeah, we had my sister. I feel very wealthy in our poor and.

01;26;34;07 - 01;26;37;08
Speaker 2
I was like, because mom always made sure we had neighboring clothes.

01;26;38;09 - 01;26;39;07
Speaker 1
We, we, we.

01;26;39;07 - 01;26;41;16
Speaker 2
We went on trips. Yeah. I mean, nobody else traveled.

01;26;41;16 - 01;26;44;15
Speaker 3
With no, we had only one grandma chip by.

01;26;44;16 - 01;26;45;17
Speaker 2
Purse. Yeah.

01;26;45;27 - 01;26;54;12
Speaker 1
I'm like it felt, I felt like we had a lot of money actually when I, when We were with poor people.

01;26;54;18 - 01;26;58;28
Speaker 2
Yeah. Some say mom did make more money than the other poor people.

01;26;59;06 - 01;27;01;15
Speaker 1
But some of them had two parent households.

01;27;02;01 - 01;27;04;17
Speaker 3
Mom, pay more money? Yes.

01;27;04;18 - 01;27;05;10
Speaker 1
Interesting.

01;27;05;25 - 01;27;09;18
Speaker 2
So, like she like in her circle, she had a good job. It was good.

01;27;09;18 - 01;27;13;16
Speaker 1
Oh, yeah. I'm like, we had I mean, we came up.

01;27;13;27 - 01;27;15;16
Speaker 3
We own our own homes.

01;27;15;17 - 01;27;16;29
Speaker 2
Nobody else own their own homes.

01;27;17;25 - 01;27;20;03
Speaker 1
How much were the other homes in that neighborhood, though?

01;27;20;11 - 01;27;21;01
Speaker 2
They were cheap.

01;27;21;14 - 01;27;22;19
Speaker 3
Okay, like. Well, no.

01;27;22;19 - 01;27;44;29
Speaker 2
So I. So Mom bought the house we lived. I am the first house she'd ever bought with the house. I'm Brian. Mm hmm. And it was a duplex, and she probably paid $30,000. For what? Yes. And then she sold it for 100 and something. And then the house we lived on, Jamie, about for, like 20,000, and she was selling it for almost 200.

01;27;45;10 - 01;27;52;02
Speaker 1
Wow. Crazy. I'm like, so she did. She always had a little something for a little change. Yes.

01;27;53;00 - 01;27;57;18
Speaker 2
And then the duplex, she always had a runner up there back in the second portion, that.

01;27;58;04 - 01;28;04;17
Speaker 1
Horrible, so smart. So we I guess we were. Well, what would you say we grew up as what class.

01;28;04;20 - 01;28;05;21
Speaker 2
So we were still.

01;28;05;21 - 01;28;10;29
Speaker 3
We're still doing well now I recognize. So I didn't.

01;28;10;29 - 01;28;16;20
Speaker 2
Know that we had more like even when we were, we had the pool, our backyard. Yes, it was above ground pool, but it was a nice.

01;28;17;27 - 01;28;23;18
Speaker 1
So interesting the purchasing choices. Me and I mean we did stuff, we went we Disney. We had.

01;28;23;18 - 01;28;27;09
Speaker 2
New trucks every couple of years she used by those the Ford Explorer is every year.

01;28;27;09 - 01;28;30;05
Speaker 1
She did have trucks I mean we went to Disney World.

01;28;30;20 - 01;28;33;04
Speaker 2
A few times. I wouldn't want you went a few times.

01;28;33;08 - 01;28;34;08
Speaker 3
Like I've interviewed.

01;28;34;08 - 01;28;39;05
Speaker 1
That we went to Disney Land and Disney World. Dang, I've been in them a lot actually.

01;28;39;05 - 01;28;40;15
Speaker 2
Oh, we went through each of them once.

01;28;40;23 - 01;28;44;17
Speaker 1
Oh, but I'm like, we really did have a lot of experiences.

01;28;44;24 - 01;28;48;17
Speaker 2
Because I feel like Mom invested in experiences.

01;28;48;17 - 01;28;50;27
Speaker 1
Yes, she definitely she definitely did.

01;28;50;27 - 01;29;06;26
Speaker 2
Like she understood that at a at a young age that having the experience is more important than having the stuff like, yeah, we had great Christmases, we did, but we didn't have like, I don't remember her like buying a stuff throughout. Like McDonald's was our treat.

01;29;06;26 - 01;29;08;11
Speaker 1
Yeah. And and McDonald's is still a.

01;29;08;11 - 01;29;08;26
Speaker 3
Treat.

01;29;09;10 - 01;29;11;18
Speaker 2
Don't of a bed with me meat now.

01;29;12;07 - 01;29;24;03
Speaker 1
That's right you know but it but it is so ingrained to me as a treat like that it's still in my mind. Yeah. It's kind of, it's actually really strange to weird.

01;29;24;03 - 01;29;25;25
Speaker 3
I know, I know.

01;29;26;10 - 01;29;32;03
Speaker 2
But but it's kids though I did like I didn't know that we were poor until we went to private school.

01;29;32;17 - 01;29;34;06
Speaker 1
Yeah. Then found out.

01;29;34;17 - 01;29;35;16
Speaker 3
We was real poor.

01;29;36;12 - 01;29;41;29
Speaker 2
Well, also, by the way, I do think that our our finances change. Do mom make less money? And that's how we get there.

01;29;41;29 - 01;29;54;10
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah Yeah. So. Dang, that's so interesting. So how did I guess how did knowing your financial stats. I'm trying to relate this to your.

01;29;54;17 - 01;30;08;29
Speaker 2
So what? Well, now I'm thinking about this though. I was my kids age when I thought that we had money. I guess back then, like all those things you were just talking about. And it wasn't until I was a teenager that I recognized, you know.

01;30;10;01 - 01;30;11;22
Speaker 1
So that's kind of opposite there.

01;30;11;22 - 01;30;12;12
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.

01;30;12;12 - 01;30;18;03
Speaker 1
So. Huh. But do you feel like you still do some of the same you do the same stuff that Mom was doing?

01;30;18;24 - 01;30;20;23
Speaker 2
Yeah. My kids don't live like they're poor.

01;30;21;14 - 01;30;25;03
Speaker 3
So, dude, like, in the last three months.

01;30;25;10 - 01;30;26;22
Speaker 2
No, they don't live like that.

01;30;27;21 - 01;30;32;07
Speaker 1
So I just find it so fascinating to contrast those two experience.

01;30;32;07 - 01;30;53;06
Speaker 2
But. But I don't invest in, in lavish things like our house is a normal house. I could have gotten double the house probably more than that if I wanted to, but I didn't do that. Like, yes, our cars are decent, but they're not like luxury nice cars. And I think that I think that that's a little bit of mom's teachings though.

01;30;53;06 - 01;31;09;20
Speaker 2
Like I like the experience. Like we went to Hawaii. Well, me and the baby and Charles went away, but then we're going to Orlando. We just came back from Memphis. We like we go places, we we do things. They went to Nebraska earlier and spent like two weeks there instead of staying or whatever.

01;31;09;21 - 01;31;26;06
Speaker 1
They stayed traveling. So maybe it's that maybe their experience now is more experience more comparable to our high school experience where it's the comparative. Yeah. Like compared to how everyone else is quote unquote living, you know, it seems.

01;31;26;06 - 01;31;27;01
Speaker 2
Yeah. Different.

01;31;27;01 - 01;31;30;20
Speaker 3
Well, I would think so. Now I'm like I.

01;31;30;25 - 01;31;31;12
Speaker 2
I mean, my.

01;31;31;12 - 01;31;45;11
Speaker 4
Kids think I'm like, way more like.

01;31;45;28 - 01;32;02;10
Speaker 2
I used to, but I am a huge believer in experiences and seeing things and, and doing different things. So like I told you, I did over the summer, my daughter did taekwondo.

01;32;02;24 - 01;32;05;20
Speaker 3
At Kung Fu.

01;32;05;20 - 01;32;19;24
Speaker 2
And then at one point she went to a different camp and she did something different and she went to a different camp that something different. Right. And I think that's probably what it's about. Like, if they're comparing their homes or comparing our cars like ours is and it's nice, but we do more stuff.

01;32;20;05 - 01;32;41;10
Speaker 1
That's so interesting. And so what impact, I guess, do you think that this is going to have? I mean, we talked earlier in the episode about, you know, it's probably good, but with this new lens because I now that I'm comparing it to our high school experience, I'm like, oh, I don't know. That's a different perspective.

01;32;41;10 - 01;32;48;04
Speaker 2
Did you feel like you limited yourself and your high school experience because you knew that we didn't have as much money?

01;32;48;28 - 01;33;01;08
Speaker 1
Definitely so. I mean, I felt I certainly felt inferior, like, you know, going to the country club with my friends. I'm like, What the heck do you do at a country club?

01;33;01;11 - 01;33;02;07
Speaker 3
Yeah. Like.

01;33;02;26 - 01;33;29;10
Speaker 1
I don't have any of these sports and I don't want to get in the pool, get my hair with. I'm like, You know what I mean? I did feel out of place. And another thing I was thinking about the other day, unrelated but related was that I even like self eliminate it before like people, you know, could reject me because I knew I was like different and I was afraid that they would judge me because of that.

01;33;29;10 - 01;33;33;10
Speaker 1
Yeah. And so, I mean I think it really did have an impact on me.

01;33;33;22 - 01;33;44;11
Speaker 2
Yeah. I was going to say I think that I did kind of the same thing. Like there were certain people that I hang out with who I knew they were like mega-rich and they ask us to do something like go to Paris. And I'd be like, I can't afford to go there.

01;33;44;13 - 01;33;45;14
Speaker 3
Right, right.

01;33;45;28 - 01;34;04;06
Speaker 2
But I'd at this point, though, like, I don't think that like I think that Olivia thinks that we're or poor, but I think she would still ask for the she'd be like, And then we're poor, but can you figure out how to send me here, girl?

01;34;04;16 - 01;34;05;19
Speaker 3
Who are you talking to?

01;34;06;12 - 01;34;20;10
Speaker 1
I'm like, Can I go to New York for a semester? Or like, Can I go out of the country? What was it like still going? Can I go to the most expensive school in the entire country? Yeah, right now. Hello? Yeah, that is you.

01;34;20;19 - 01;34;36;05
Speaker 2
I didn't do that, by the way, because I knew I. But so speaking of limiting, I knew you're poor. So I was like when I went to college, like, I got accepted to the University of Minnesota and I was just going to go there because that's was the only option. But then when I went to the south and I saw those schools, I was like, So this is half the cost of this.

01;34;36;06 - 01;34;45;04
Speaker 2
I need to go here. But like, seriously that I was like, I'm gonna choose this based on the limitations that I believe that we have.

01;34;46;11 - 01;34;57;12
Speaker 1
And I had the same decision, I was like, I could go to the University of Minnesota and I was telling myself that's what I was going to do, but my heart wouldn't allow me to do this limit.

01;34;57;19 - 01;35;02;20
Speaker 2
So all I have to do is send them to Tunisia for a little bit. Make sure you balance that.

01;35;03;22 - 01;35;09;26
Speaker 3
Yeah, definitely isn't a good idea. It probably is a good idea. Like ask for what you want.

01;35;10;11 - 01;35;12;19
Speaker 2
And what we going decide whether we gonna do it right.

01;35;13;05 - 01;35;25;04
Speaker 1
Yes. Yes. Then like I think that's, I think it's so interesting and it's just a different perspective than I came into this conversation with. Like, you don't want them to limit themselves.

01;35;25;04 - 01;35;31;20
Speaker 2
Yeah, but then you also don't want them to think that they can just have everything. So. So what is the message that you should give?

01;35;31;20 - 01;35;35;18
Speaker 1
That balance, I think, is where we.

01;35;35;28 - 01;36;03;05
Speaker 3
Where we we did kind of like a big backstory of be able to they're like, what is that?

01;36;03;05 - 01;36;04;27
Speaker 1
We're getting into it, people.

01;36;05;16 - 01;36;06;02
Speaker 3
We're are you.

01;36;06;10 - 01;36;26;21
Speaker 1
We had a few minutes left, so we're going to get into this like open lobby. And it was birthed out of, like we said when we were younger, we had some really good Christmases, like pretty I mean, lots of presents. We always had a lot of people around too. So my mom was very like giving in my every she wanted everybody to have gifts.

01;36;26;21 - 01;36;26;27
Speaker 1
Yeah.

01;36;26;27 - 01;36;28;26
Speaker 2
So that's why. So yeah.

01;36;29;09 - 01;36;31;20
Speaker 3
So you get that from. Yes, I want to say.

01;36;31;22 - 01;36;35;25
Speaker 2
Like even Tunisia, like she keeps random gifts around her house.

01;36;36;10 - 01;36;38;13
Speaker 1
And I don't like to have to get ready.

01;36;38;20 - 01;36;39;23
Speaker 3
Stay ready. Okay.

01;36;40;03 - 01;36;49;14
Speaker 2
But so one thing that I do is I always buy extra. Yes. Every year. And I don't put a name on it. So if someone showed up that needed a gift, you would have gift that.

01;36;49;23 - 01;37;07;04
Speaker 1
Yes, that's our mother. Yeah, that is our mother. And our mom would do that when we were younger. Yeah. And so I was getting about to the age where I needed to start buying gifts, but ever heard of money? And I'm like, how can I compete with this? And then it's a lot of people that we got to buy before.

01;37;07;08 - 01;37;15;24
Speaker 1
This is a lot. So I'm like, I think we shouldn't do Christmas anymore. And I made the case, you know, one, I won the case.

01;37;15;24 - 01;37;20;12
Speaker 2
She really just want everything back then. Whatever she said when it.

01;37;20;12 - 01;37;22;23
Speaker 1
Made me think that I was a really good debater, and then I.

01;37;22;23 - 01;37;27;20
Speaker 3
Realized I was like, Well, we just gave her what she wanted. Why didn't you tell.

01;37;27;24 - 01;37;28;24
Speaker 2
Her why it would be.

01;37;28;24 - 01;37;33;13
Speaker 3
Worse? I mean, these people agree with me. Makes knows it.

01;37;33;13 - 01;37;49;19
Speaker 1
But then we bought this new holiday that wasn't about this gift is materialism and I mean we were empowered to create the holiday the traditions that we wanted to have in each person.

01;37;49;21 - 01;37;51;12
Speaker 2
I still want egg rolls or.

01;37;52;02 - 01;37;53;23
Speaker 1
Egg rolls on the.

01;37;53;23 - 01;37;59;21
Speaker 2
Menu. So we made this like non holiday menu. That was just all of our favorite stuff.

01;37;59;25 - 01;38;14;13
Speaker 1
Yes, all the favorite stuff we like to eat throughout the year. And that's we eat on this day and we travel in this day. And so eggrolls were on the list. My seafood salad, the sound of eggs, the seafood salad that made the live.

01;38;15;12 - 01;38;16;16
Speaker 3
Because we used to make.

01;38;16;28 - 01;38;20;19
Speaker 2
Banana pudding that you hate now. But I love the banana pudding.

01;38;20;23 - 01;38;27;26
Speaker 1
I absolutely hate making banana pudding. But ever since I was a child, they always make me make it in my head. I get so.

01;38;27;26 - 01;38;29;19
Speaker 3
Good. Can you make it again?

01;38;29;26 - 01;38;31;29
Speaker 1
I literally just follow the instructions.

01;38;32;02 - 01;38;37;01
Speaker 3
Yes. On the on the box. Yes. I hate it, but.

01;38;37;17 - 01;38;40;08
Speaker 2
I'm just going to make the bathroom. Now, that made me think about it.

01;38;40;19 - 01;38;46;01
Speaker 1
But I'm like but that we had a few other things and I'm like, What else do we have on the menu? I think chicken wings or.

01;38;46;01 - 01;38;47;17
Speaker 3
Oh yeah, mother made her.

01;38;47;17 - 01;38;48;04
Speaker 2
Ashgrove.

01;38;48;12 - 01;38;59;20
Speaker 1
Egg rolls are definitely on the menu. And I'm like, we just I really appreciate that even to this day, like that's my ideal on how to spend Christmas and you don't do that and I don't to.

01;38;59;20 - 01;39;01;10
Speaker 2
I have kids and they want gifts.

01;39;01;25 - 01;39;03;04
Speaker 1
Yeah. And I don't like it.

01;39;03;05 - 01;39;03;26
Speaker 2
I'll figure it out.

01;39;03;26 - 01;39;04;18
Speaker 3
We'll work it out.

01;39;04;22 - 01;39;16;21
Speaker 1
But that's, I'm like, how do you, how do you empower them or like get them to appreciate these things? Like, I think that's the balance piece is the appreciation for what they have and what, you know, they're blessed to have.

01;39;17;29 - 01;39;18;24
Speaker 3
Having that good.

01;39;19;16 - 01;39;20;21
Speaker 1
You to answer the question.

01;39;21;28 - 01;39;36;21
Speaker 2
I mean, how do I get them to do that? I don't know. But I mean, that's what they should do. I don't know. I do think that if my kids were more aware, they'd recognize that they are capable or that we can do things that they want to do.

01;39;37;07 - 01;39;38;05
Speaker 1
Yeah. Oh.

01;39;39;10 - 01;40;03;27
Speaker 2
I don't know. I think all of it is just about having conversations with them like I am at a new point with them where I realize that now they're the age where I need to be talking to them. Like more like an adult, like having like actual discussions about things that are happening, which is a new phase for us because I think before they were too young to really have real discussions with them.

01;40;04;08 - 01;40;07;15
Speaker 3
So A is the I'd say my parents.

01;40;07;15 - 01;40;14;05
Speaker 2
Age like six, six like you start to ask questions now. Yeah, I'd say that.

01;40;14;13 - 01;40;20;03
Speaker 1
They have quite some interesting and I love to be like, oh, you should ask your mommy and daddy that.

01;40;20;11 - 01;40;21;24
Speaker 2
I always say they should ask daddy.

01;40;21;25 - 01;40;31;19
Speaker 1
So they have a lot of questions about like hard stuff, like a god, like the environment. I'm like, I don't even know the answer.

01;40;31;19 - 01;40;51;05
Speaker 2
There's like, no like like do they get on you about stuff like they learned about like and learned about recycling two years ago? She still is asking us about everything. Like, shouldn't this one be recycled? Mother, I'm like, We are already recycling just cause we missed one. You can't be getting never recycle a day in my life before.

01;40;51;05 - 01;40;55;27
Speaker 3
This, by the way, again, like they were like that's hilarious.

01;40;55;27 - 01;41;03;11
Speaker 1
Yeah, they I think it's interesting this whole concept about well, I think the overarching topic.

01;41;03;11 - 01;41;03;27
Speaker 3
Around.

01;41;04;08 - 01;41;12;04
Speaker 1
The realizations that kids make you have about your life, their decisions to me is the.

01;41;12;04 - 01;41;17;03
Speaker 3
Matter conversation we're having, but also just unpacking.

01;41;17;16 - 01;41;24;24
Speaker 4
You know, when you.

01;41;27;03 - 01;41;27;21
Speaker 3
It doesn't.

01;41;31;27 - 01;41;36;02
Speaker 4
Really become ethical if you say you.

01;41;36;11 - 01;41;42;01
Speaker 3
And she's a brown person, there's lot of them. So we're not going to get.

01;41;42;01 - 01;41;49;17
Speaker 1
Into my racial, racial complex as a as a young person, into my adulthood, running a diversity.

01;41;49;17 - 01;41;51;21
Speaker 3
Equity and inclusion company.

01;41;51;24 - 01;41;58;29
Speaker 1
Okay. But yeah, I think that I don't know, I think that kids have so much to teach us.

01;41;58;29 - 01;41;59;15
Speaker 3
About.

01;42;00;14 - 01;42;01;21
Speaker 1
About ourselves. Yeah.

01;42;02;02 - 01;42;05;20
Speaker 2
And they help us reflect on the decisions that we make on a daily.

01;42;06;06 - 01;42;09;13
Speaker 1
And appreciate some of the decisions that I'm.

01;42;09;16 - 01;42;11;16
Speaker 3
Hearing. Yeah, me.

01;42;12;09 - 01;42;29;23
Speaker 2
Too. I mean, in this episode, just hearing this, though, I had never thought about the like experiencing that with mom and how she really focused on giving us those things. And I felt like in looking at that, that was super mature of her review and, and I'd never appreciated it until now.

01;42;29;23 - 01;42;31;17
Speaker 1
I'm like, and I didn't.

01;42;31;17 - 01;42;34;06
Speaker 2
Realize that I mimicked it and I did. Yes.

01;42;34;12 - 01;42;58;15
Speaker 1
Yeah, exactly. I'm like, and that's literally how I live. My life really was formative for my experience. Yeah. So yeah. So take this moment in time to reflect, to appreciate, to learn and challenge your own practice and let us know how that's going for you. You can always reach out to us. We're everywhere, you know, at the same time.

01;42;58;15 - 01;42;58;24
Speaker 3
Yeah.

01;43;00;11 - 01;43;03;04
Speaker 1
But y'all. And so next time you go to these Nicole.

01;43;03;04 - 01;46;19;29
Speaker 2
And I'm Shani Dixon. We are black girl flag.