Going for the Gusto

On today's episode of BGF, Ava, and Tashaunda wonder if they are doing too much. They also discuss accepting that we can’t do everything all the time and maximizing our goals and accomplishments. Ava dishes on her theory of the purpose of school, and Tashaunda describes the traits of the most successful people she knows.

Do you try to do everything, all the time? Tell us on instagram: @blackgirlflyofficial

[00:23] Introductions 

[00:30] Going for the gusto 

[03:28] Is being mediocre okay? 

[06:05] Getting the most out of accomplishments 

[12:02] Does everyone need to give it their all? 

[14:21] Ad (All Business No Boundaries) 

[15:08] Does everyone need to give it their all? (Continue) 

[17:40] Not being great at everything 

[19:15] Looking at life holistically 

[23:15] Three components of success 

[26:05] Outros

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Transcript

Welcome back to another episode of Black girl Fly. | 0:24
I'm your girl. | 0:26
Ava marie. | 0:26
And I'm Taushanda Dixon. | 0:27
today we are talking about going for the gusto, though you can tell. | 0:28
That it's not her words. | 0:34
No, it's not. | 0:35
I'm just saying if you're going to go all the way hard. | 0:37
That was going all in, all the way hard. | 0:39
I'm sorry. | 0:43
Gangster Shonda is over here. | 0:44
Okay, you will I'm sorry. | 0:47
You need to crank it up a bit. | 0:49
Get on my level. | 0:51
Come on now. | 0:51
Clearly she's excited over here. | 0:52
What do you mean by that? | 0:55
That's exactly what I mean. | 0:56
That is an example about what I mean. | 0:58
I see that you missed the message, so I just feel like, guys, some of that has been, like a reoccurring thing for me is that people always be like, oh, you do too much, or you're really invested. | 1:00
I used to take offense to it. | 1:16
I used to be like, maybe I should be more relaxed. | 1:18
Somebody told me I used to work too hard. | 1:21
That's what they told me. | 1:23
And I had to think about it. | 1:24
I really struggled with this for a. | 1:26
Very long time, and I had to. | 1:27
Think about it, and I was like, well, why shouldn't I work so hard? | 1:29
Like, I don't really understand. | 1:32
all I'm trying to get at is that, guys, are you going to choose to do something? | 1:35
Whatever you choose to do, go all the way. | 1:39
I feel like this is a personal. | 1:45
I wasn't even thinking about you. | 1:49
I don't even know what you have going on in this area. | 1:50
No, I'm feeling a little convicted about what you're saying, but I'm the type of person, like, I actually can mostly only go all in. | 1:53
Okay. | 2:05
I think this is kind of true. | 2:06
I don't know, at least recently maybe. | 2:08
I think that I used to take on quite a lot of things, and maybe that a lot is really not a lot, but at this moment in time, I really just feel like I could only do one thing. | 2:11
here's the thing, though, is that I did have to realize that I can't do everything. | 2:26
I can't be a master of everything. | 2:32
I have to curate, I have to say right now in my life, this is what I'm going to do. | 2:34
Is it one thing? | 2:39
I mean, two things? | 2:40
It's probably a handful of things. | 2:41
It's probably a handful of things, yeah. | 2:42
One thing that I'm working on now is that my daughter is behind in school, and so I'm like doing everything I can to help her get ahead of school. | 2:45
I didn't think about this when I said this, and so I told her, I was like, this is what we're doing to get you caught up, and then we're going to get caught up, and we're going to pass everybody else. | 2:56
That is the plan. | 3:06
We going to go we're going to go all the way hard. | 3:08
Exactly. | 3:11
She better know her little eight year old, so she bought to go all the way hard. | 3:11
But I'm like, I don't know. | 3:17
the thing that I was struggling with is, why don't we just sell that? | 3:19
As opposed to what? | 3:25
I feel like mediocre is okay. | 3:26
We've created a culture where everybody gets a participation trophy. | 3:29
We created a culture where you just have to get a C to pass. | 3:33
I got a call from a partner, and he's studying for a test, and he's actually really naturally smart, and so he usually just tests pretty well anyway, even if he hadn't really studied. | 3:39
And so he called me. | 3:50
He's like, you know when you got. | 3:52
To have a seat on the 75. | 3:53
Sit on this test? | 3:55
I was like, yeah, most government tests you got to do. | 3:57
He's like, really? | 3:59
I want to take all the time. | 4:00
But, I mean, that just goes like people's standards. | 4:03
I just feel like standards in society have been like, just pass. | 4:07
I don't know. | 4:13
It's like a recovering person who used to work way too hard. | 4:14
I don't know. | 4:21
I feel like that's like mom talking through you. | 4:22
She used to have all these crazy standards about doing the most, being the best. | 4:25
let me throw this back at you, though. | 4:31
If you already kind of doing it, why not be the best? | 4:33
You're spending your time on something. | 4:39
What would be reasons that you wouldn't be the best. | 4:42
Real quick? | 4:47
Because I'm thinking of some examples of my life. | 4:48
Okay. | 4:51
there are just things to me now that I'm like. | 4:51
Do you need to be the best in this thing? | 4:58
No. | 5:01
Should you be the best in some other areas? | 5:03
Yes. | 5:05
And let's get specific. | 5:05
You all because I like to be specific, but I used to work really hard. | 5:06
In order for me to be the best, I have to work for it. | 5:12
I'm not one of those people that's naturally good at a lot of things, and people might think I am because I'm good at a lot of things. | 5:16
Because you work hard. | 5:24
It's because I'm working my behind all. | 5:25
I think about high school, and I was really good at chemistry and really good in math. | 5:28
That's because I worked really hard. | 5:37
Do I use either of those subjects today? | 5:40
Could I even tell you half the stuff that I learned back then? | 5:43
The answer is no. | 5:47
why was it important to be really good at that? | 5:48
So maybe I'd readjust. | 5:50
what I was thinking about is as you thought about that in my head, I thought about, oh, I'm going to work out. | 5:52
I'm going to work out the best. | 5:57
I don't mean like, be the best at the thing that you are doing. | 5:59
I'm saying get the most. | 6:05
Get the get the most you can get of what you're trying to accomplish. | 6:06
So that's important. | 6:10
Yeah, that's an important distinction. | 6:12
Yes. | 6:14
I do. | 6:15
I didn't think I caught that as you were kind of sharing your story. | 6:15
what I mean is that in life, you are choosing to do specific things for a specific reason. | 6:18
And so don't go halfway. | 6:24
let's go back to this example, because you're talking about school. | 6:29
Gala, you're talking about school no. | 6:33
With the example of your daughter being behind I joke about this a lot of times, but I'm real, I'm like, I'm actually being honest from school. | 6:36
You need to learn how to read. | 6:47
That's it. | 6:52
I don't condone this message of Ava. | 6:55
Marie, but you telling her, like, to go hard in this is why I was going hard in chemistry, in math. | 7:01
Right. | 7:10
one could argue I would have not gotten into my engineering program, though I've never been an engineer. | 7:10
It's still very impactful in my life today in getting me where I am today. | 7:19
I'm like, how can for this little eight year old, you're telling her to go hard and to paint for reading, I mean, for whatever the subject might be, noodle art. | 7:25
Like, what are we really talking about here? | 7:38
you make this big leap around it's, around what you should be purposed in. | 7:43
So, like, that's where I'm having the dissonance. | 7:48
It's like you're applying this to a little eight year old. | 7:50
Yeah. | 7:53
for the eight year old so why I think this is important and why I would say this is important for an eight year old, because it's not about noodle art right now. | 7:54
It's about setting her way of thinking to say that if I want something, I'm going to go after it with all that I have. | 8:05
I don't think that's a bad thing at all. | 8:14
I think that will create the habits of applying that not just to noodle art, but applying that to whatever it is that she decides to do in life. | 8:16
Her case, it might be new to life because she's an artist. | 8:26
Okay, but my point is, though, is that and quite frankly, at eight, this is her number one priority. | 8:30
What else is she doing? | 8:39
to set that habit with the things that she has going on right now is ideal versus allowing her to say, oh, C is great, I'm good, and she's being going to apply that type of behavior to all the other things that she actually does want. | 8:41
I think that's the general. | 9:00
Like, I understand the concept, but the application for me is not exactly resonating. | 9:04
if you were to say, like, her gifting is in art and in design, even at eight years old, we can already tell that if you were to apply the concept to her extracurriculars in art or in design, then I'll be like, okay, this makes sense. | 9:10
But the application, to me, there's still. | 9:31
So I think that what she's doing. | 9:36
Maybe this is because you're differing opinion about education, but I think what she's doing right now in second grade is fundamental for her understanding everything else. | 9:38
I mean, she need to learn how to read. | 9:48
Like I said, back to my point. | 9:50
About reading and how to add and subtract and all the multiplication and division, I still use all of those skills. | 9:52
Girl, I don't. | 9:59
You don't? | 10:00
Calculator. | 10:00
It's called calculator. | 10:02
I don't do any mental math. | 10:04
I do not. | 10:06
Well, people need to do mental math, not sitting behind you at a store. | 10:08
For me, it is what she's working on now is the baseline for how she does everything. | 10:15
to your point about chemistry and the things you never use again, I agree, but she's not going to make that I don't want to say priority. | 10:20
That's not going to be something she's going hard in, right? | 10:31
She's going to pick the things that are important to her and what's important to her. | 10:33
She goes hard in. | 10:37
One area that I'm experiencing this, by the way, also is with my younger daughter. | 10:39
She's in gymnastics now, and she is not very good at gymnastics. | 10:45
This is her first couple months in gymnastics. | 10:50
And she's going hard, though. | 10:55
And I was really proud of her. | 10:58
I think that's kind of what made me think of this. | 10:59
what I like about gymnastics, I never noticed before, is it's an individual sport and you're completely relying on yourself and you have to fight yourself to succeed. | 11:02
I'm seeing this through as I'm watching her. | 11:14
In her first couple of weeks, she couldn't do something, and she was frustrated, and she was sitting there and she started to cry. | 11:19
A tear roll down her eye, and she was kind of deciding I think she didn't want other people to see that she was frustrated and crying, and so one tear rolled down, and then I've seen her kind of she dusted herself off and then she went back at it. | 11:25
I'm in the parents, so they have like a parent observation room, so I'm not with her, so she can't really see me, but I'm like, yes, go. | 11:39
Because I can see this mental fighting that she stood up and she went back at it. | 11:45
that's what I mean about like she's not the best at tumbling right now, but she is preparing herself mentally to give it all that she has. | 11:49
Does that make sense? | 12:00
I'm like then my question is this something that everyone has and that everyone needs, or is that genetic? | 12:04
I think everyone has it nature versus nurture. | 12:17
Yes. | 12:22
I'm thinking about it as I'm talking to you guys are here my thought process. | 12:23
I feel like deciding to go at something is a nurture thing, that we all have some ability. | 12:26
I'm not saying that everybody's not going to be the fastest person in the bunch, but we all have the ability to try and how much you try or whether you decide to give up or not. | 12:42
That to me seems like a learned behavior, not an innate one. | 12:57
I think that's the difference and that's what will get you going. | 13:03
What I'm finding in life in general and this is why I think it's so important and why I'm working with my kids and myself in this area, is that the people that I found to be the most successful, in my view that I can see, that I have a close relationship with, it hasn't been the brilliant ones. | 13:09
It hasn't been the ones with this innate capability with the genius genes. | 13:32
It's been the people who have the fortitude to keep going, the people who will take the rejections and roll with the punches and fall down and cry a bit and just get back up. | 13:39
as I think about who those people are though, I think it's people who've been put in a position where they had to, where they didn't have the option not to. | 13:50
And that's not an innate thing. | 14:01
That's a situational or nurtured behavior that has come across. | 14:05
So yes, I stick by that. | 14:11
that was my thought process about how that goes. | 14:13
I do think that's more about nurture than it is about nature. | 14:16
Yeah, that would be my argument also I was asking that because I also don't believe that it's necessary for everyone to be like that. | 14:20
I think the world is perfectly fine with people not being with some people wing like that and some people not. | 14:34
Being speak more to that. | 14:41
So why do you believe that? | 14:43
I mean, I think it just creates the society that we live in today. | 14:44
There is a 1% of people who are like uberly successful and the rest of the 99 so but wait. | 14:50
I think of it you're tying commitment to going hard to know. | 14:58
I think if you're tying that to financial success is that what you're trying to say? | 15:05
Yes, but I don't think we're that sensitive case. | 15:15
your example about my daughter being artistic, her focus and what she decides to spend her time will probably be extremely different from somebody who's more logical, who likes math and chemistry, for instance. | 15:20
I still think that there's diversity in that. | 15:35
what I'm saying is that if you're going to be an artist to put everything out on the canvas, right? | 15:37
If you're going to be a chemist who has tested every scenario possible. | 15:43
I do think that still allows for the diversity of thought, the diversity of position, the diversity of whatever what you set yourself up to do will still be different from the next person or from that person. | 15:48
your ability will also be different. | 16:03
you putting it all out there is not going to be the same as someone with a different ability, putting. | 16:09
It all out there, I guess. | 16:15
Why do you think that doesn't have to do with financial? | 16:17
Because an artist is still, on average, not successful to that as they die. | 16:22
Because a great teacher still only makes $60,000 a year at the height of their career. | 16:30
Because those are the reasons I'm saying. | 16:36
Because a janitor still only makes $20 an hour, even if they clean better than anyone else out there. | 16:40
that's back to my earlier point of there are some things that are not worth becoming great at. | 16:50
I'm a very eclectic person and I pole danced four times and I'm a person, I like to be really good at what I'm doing. | 16:59
I was like, well, what is being really good at pole dancing? | 17:10
It made you feel good? | 17:15
Hold on, let's think about this though. | 17:17
did you enjoy being good at pole dancing? | 17:19
I was like, this is the most useless skill that I could ask you. | 17:23
If it was useful. | 17:28
I asked you, did you enjoy it? | 17:29
I enjoyed it, yes. | 17:32
would you have enjoyed it just as much if you weren't good at it? | 17:35
I was okay. | 17:41
You know what I'm saying? | 17:42
It wasn't really good, but I was making the decision, is this going to be one of the reason we only really have the capacity to spend our time on really four things? | 17:44
Four or five things. | 17:54
I was like, Do I want this to be one of the ones that I'm like, really? | 17:55
in this though, I am saying that you have the right to choose, but I don't think anything is wrong with you wanting to be the best pole dancer out there. | 17:59
Even if pole dancing wasn't your career, if it's something that you're into, it makes you feel good to be the best. | 18:07
It makes you have pride in what it is that you do, whether it's the pole dance or the chemist or the macaroni art. | 18:13
I think I changed the art. | 18:21
Right. | 18:22
And this is where I would disagree. | 18:25
I think we have to look at our lives. | 18:30
Holistically I had some really good teachers pole dancing, specifically some really good teachers. | 18:32
one of them is like, a pole dancer that is like her heart and soul is pole dancing. | 18:40
The other one is just a really good dancer. | 18:50
I think the one who's a pole dancer, she's actually very successful. | 18:53
She got what's that little, that channel where you put your toes on there? | 19:03
Sorry, that's not where I thought you were going. | 19:14
only fans she got her only fans paid. | 19:17
She's teaching dance. | 19:23
she's also gained a lot of flexibility in her time because she's just doing that all the time. | 19:24
And I'm like, this is her life. | 19:31
Like, in her four things, this makes sense to be a part of that. | 19:33
For me, this don't make sense. | 19:38
You guys can see her face, by the way. | 19:42
She's like, not the ball dancing for me. | 19:44
Like, I want to be a pilot. | 19:49
I want to be a business. | 19:51
So you chose that. | 19:55
I still think the same is true, but I still think the same thing is true in that you curated your list. | 19:59
You said, hey, here's all the things that I'm doing because I'm not going to be the best pole dancer out there. | 20:07
I'm going to put that off and I'm going to go be a pilot. | 20:14
I mean, you said that you made that choice to be conscious, and I hope you are choosing to be a good pilot, just putting that into the atmosphere. | 20:17
it's your curated list and if you're going to do it, you're still going to go hard. | 20:25
I don't think that's no, but I think what is different, the reason I was asking about the money piece is because I think once you've curated your list, you will be successful. | 20:32
Like, I think if I had pole dancer in there, I would not be successful because it's incongruent with the hold on for me. | 20:43
I know people who are in culinary school that are not putting in their best and they're getting bad grades in culinary school and they have a curated list. | 20:50
They only do culinary school. | 20:59
I'm just saying, I don't think everybody's. | 21:03
Going to be good at we're going. | 21:06
Off the rails here. | 21:14
I think it's the combination of things. | 21:16
It's the nurture piece around going hard, but then you actually have to already be somewhat good at these things. | 21:19
You have to me, some initial gifting for that to be an area for you. | 21:31
That, to me, is why pole dancing is not within my things. | 21:40
I have some slight natural gifting around it, but not actually in the way that would make me. | 21:46
I will have to work really hard to be good because most of my gifting is not for this. | 21:56
And so I think it's a combination. | 22:04
It's like you're working really hard, but you're also having some gifting. | 22:06
And it making sense. | 22:09
you're assuming in that though, that somebody's going to naturally work hard. | 22:12
what I'm saying is that you don't. | 22:15
That's what I'm saying. | 22:17
That's why this person is not successful. | 22:18
that's just the one of four things that they're working on. | 22:20
that so I think we agree, actually. | 22:24
I think it's these three components, how I am addressing how I build my life. | 22:26
I believe that these are the things that would make you successful. | 22:32
Like, you would become wealthy from these things. | 22:37
that's curate the list, make sure that those things are adding to your life, that you have. | 22:42
A natural to those and that they are congruent with one another. | 22:48
Okay. | 22:54
the other one is like the going hard within it. | 22:55
Right. | 22:59
The focus on these things and really getting at it and I think with that combination, you will be successful. | 23:00
Yeah, I agree with that. | 23:08
It's good way to take my message and make it make sense. | 23:10
Yeah, that was a lot. | 23:16
I hope you did not take away from this that you should become a. | 23:19
Cold if you have a natural ability right. | 23:22
it fits within your realm, this is why it works. | 23:27
the other teacher I'm just going to give this last short story. | 23:31
The other teacher that I had that was really good, she actually was probably better than the other teacher, but why it doesn't work for her is that she would still mask her identity. | 23:34
Yeah. | 23:47
She wasn't sold out to be in. | 23:47
Yeah. | 23:49
She wasn't going hard. | 23:49
Like, and she wasn't I don't know if proud of. | 23:51
I think that's another level, though. | 23:55
Like, you have to embrace that thing that you are. | 23:57
that's what I was telling you about the story about people were like, oh, you're too much of this. | 24:01:00
I wasn't sure if I should be bought into that thing. | 24:04:00
It opened up so many doors when I actually accepted that's who I was, and I went all in. | 24:08:00
Yeah, I agree. | 24:15:00
Because I think with this teacher, her skill is very high. | 24:17:00
I've watched her in competition, and I'm like, You won. | 24:22:00
I knew she won before she actually won. | 24:27:00
You know what I'm saying? | 24:29:00
She's just really talented, but she's like, this is not congratulate with who I am. | 24:30:00
Exactly. | 24:36:00
this is a part of me that I do under these pretenses. | 24:37:00
it doesn't get the full of her. | 24:41:00
If it got the full of her. | 24:44:00
Like, she'd better than the only fans. | 24:45:00
Yeah. | 24:48:00
I mean, she'd be a freaking Olympian, what I mean? | 24:49:00
She's really good. | 24:52:00
But that's the thing. | 24:54:00
All those steps that we talked about and like yeah. | 24:56:00
You will be successful. | 24:59:00
I like it with that formula. | 25:01:00
All right, y'all, I'm tired. | 25:03:00
go hard with a lot of other things. | 25:06:00
With a lot of other things. | 25:08:00
Listen to the episode. | 25:10:00
Okay. | 25:11:00
if you missed it, just listen to it again. | 25:11:00
Until next time, I'm your girl, Ava Marie. | 25:14:00
And I'm shana Dixon. | 25:17:00
And we are black. | 25:18:00
Girl five. | 25:19:00