Elevating Your Self Worth

Today Ava and Tashaunda discuss elevating your self-worth. Tashaunda grapples with self-worth and desirability going hand in hand, while a large part of Ava’s self-worth stems from knowing when to spend more time with herself. The ladies also break down how social media affects self-worth and the importance of opening yourself up to personal growth.

00:21 Introductions
00:35 Elevating Your Self Worth
03:55 Humanizing Others
05:26 Gaining New Prospectives
08:33 Additional Aspects of Self Worth
13:06 A Problem with Society
15:35 The Consequence of Not Growing
16:38 Outros

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Transcript

Speaker 1  0:24  
Welcome back to another episode of Black Girl fly. I'm your girl, Eva Marie.

Unknown Speaker  0:28  
And I'm Shana Dixon.

Speaker 1  0:31  
And today, we're going to be talking about elevating your self worth. Now to Shonda, I'm gonna hand it off, because this was your idea.

Speaker 2  0:41  
Yeah. I want to level set, make sure we're on the same page. So when you think about your self worth, what is it that that you would? What would be embodied in your self worth? Like, what are you thinking about when you're saying self worth?

Unknown Speaker  0:54  
They asked me this because we're not allowed. Yes. Yeah. So we're clear. Sorry, clear.

Unknown Speaker  1:04  
Oh, let me I

Unknown Speaker  1:08  
don't know what this. Okay,

Unknown Speaker  1:13  
I was like, I know what I said, so forth.

Speaker 3  1:16  
But I was like, Well, how are you valued by others? Like makeup?

Unknown Speaker  1:23  
I was like, what? Now? What? I'm sorry, I like that. But yeah.

Unknown Speaker  1:32  
For me, I'm glad I didn't understand that. I currently do that.

Speaker 2  1:38  
For me, I think about like, really feeling like you're valued. And then I think that the things I would align to that kind of talk track is like this imposter syndrome, or like settling in your relationships or settling in your career or, like, that's what I was thinking. But I do think I do think that there is a physical component as well about how you feel about yourself and, and how you show up and how you display how you feel about yourself. I do think there's a physical element to that.

Speaker 3  2:13  
I can say makeup, is that that makes me feel good. Okay.

Speaker 1  2:18  
I spent extra time on my makeup today. And I was feeling really good.

Speaker 2  2:22  
But I think that that is an answer. That is an answer. And I think it's an answer that people don't want to say, because it seems a little superficial. But you have to acknowledge that when you feel desirable when you feel attractive. I do think that that makes you step up a little bit. So we talked about,

Speaker 1  2:41  
you know, when, and I want to caveat that because that to me wasn't the exact point. But for me, it was like, I got I had time in the morning, I took my time, I did something artistic. Okay, then a little creative. I try something new. You know what I mean? I don't think I did a great job. But um, like, the whole process for me was just like, enjoyable. Oh, that's

Speaker 2  3:06  
interesting. That's not where I would have taken that at all. So you're saying is that count? I think it does. I think that you're saying that you can elevate yourself by actually spending more time with yourself and and getting some different cylinders going like, your artistic brain that because what you said, and, and loving yourself a little bit.

Speaker 1  3:30  
Don't Ask An Introvert this question, because that's what I love it to do all the time. Okay, is why I'm challenged by the question. Yeah.

Speaker 2  3:41  
It's so funny. Because when I thought about like, elevating myself, I was thinking about my community, and really about getting around other people. But I think as you talk to more people, you humanize everyone else. Cuz I think I think about like comparison, and that I think that we all are like they were there. I think there was a statistic here, but exactly what it was. And they talked about how Facebook or social media is not healthy because it it provides this mechanism for comparison, but also to say on the other side of that, I think that when you compare, more realistically, not just their highlight reel, but when you compare more risks, realistically, it kind of takes people down a notch. And I like and when I say taken from that it makes them more like you.

Unknown Speaker  4:30  
So how was it self worth this? Put it on that for me?

Speaker 2  4:35  
Yeah, what I'm saying is that, I think that we think less of ourselves because we're much more critical of ourselves. But if you understand that more people are human and more people are like you, you're a little less critical because you realize that you're more like everyone else that you're you're in the room with.

Speaker 1  4:54  
Does that make more sense? Yeah, and patently compelling to you. And like I did that makes sense to me. Personally, I feel like I'm an odd person when I say this, but like, I wouldn't be at all. I don't mean just limited, you know, certain people, like, I really, I really enjoy spending time I like

Speaker 2  5:26  
so most recently, so I went to dinner with someone I hadn't seen in a while, and someone who I would I would classify as being very different from myself. And I loved it. And I loved it, because I got a perspective that I wouldn't get elsewhere, I got a life thought like, oh, how they see life and, and the things that they they're important. Like, I feel like human relation in engaging other people opens you up like this dialogue, like, like, I think that it is a necessary part of the human experience. Even if you are, you know, introverted, and you say,

Speaker 4  6:07  
I think there's a there's a lot to be gained from the relationship.

Speaker 1  6:13  
And I'm not saying none, I'm just saying for me, limited. You know, I'm in a space where I've talked to people all the time, and talk to them about some very difficult and like, you know, personal things at work all day long. And so, and I'm constantly being pulled out of my comfort zone. And so I just feel like, when I am turned off, I don't want that. I just want that meet I met and that, you know, in the occasional, you know, I was able to catch up with a friend that I hadn't seen in years. Last week, in just like a kind of a happy hour type setting. And I was like, That was so good. But then I had another one right after her. And then I was with people nonstop for the next three days. And all that happened last week. And so now I'm like, I don't need to see people for about too much.

Unknown Speaker  7:18  
Good. Good.

Speaker 2  7:20  
I guess it wouldn't say to what I'm I'm hearing that I'm also thinking, diversity of relationship, that you get different things from different people. And so I think what you're saying is you're overextended in the emotional capacity building, you know, that kind of relationship. But I think that you find that there's other aspects that you're not getting, because you're not having other types of relationships that are also on say, helpful in your in your journey.

Speaker 1  7:58  
Yeah, God, I totally, I think that that's a spot on assessment. I don't feel like I'm taking us on a tangent from South Korea. But I think this is I think this is important, though, because I think if I had that missing perspective, perhaps, you know, that would increase my my self worth and, you know, that care we were talking about. So brought it back together. It's it's relevant. What else would you consider? You mentioned things like imposter syndrome. And what else goes in this bucket of self worth?

Speaker 2  8:36  
Well, I'd say ongoing learning that you always should be developing yourself. reading something, you don't even have to read listening to something, but opening yourself up to grow. I would say that's definitely a way to elevate yourself,

Unknown Speaker  8:55  
Where can we define self worth limited?

Unknown Speaker  9:02  
Definition,

Speaker 2  9:03  
but I think it's all encompassing. I think it's how you value and see your overall so

Unknown Speaker  9:11  
I'm sorry, I have a look.

Speaker 1  9:13  
I think I get the concept, but I'm still like it says another word for self esteem. So it gave me confidence in one's own one one's own work or abilities. And so when you when you said imposter syndrome that that did pop up, you know, I was like perked up a little bit because they you know, that is something that I struggle with in and I always struggle with it because I'm like, It's imposter syndrome, because I know that I don't know how to do the

Speaker 2  9:59  
whole But but are you really and so I'm gonna, I'm gonna say this because I struggle with thinking that there is a level of attainment in most areas that you have to be at in order to do something. So I'll break this out for you. Okay, for doctors, doctors need to know how to do a surgery before they do the search. Right? So that that's very apparent. But if you are starting your own business, do you need to know how to be an accountant in the first day? Probably not, you probably need to have access to an accountant by you know, April 18, if, you know, thinking about that, but I like even in the different careers that I've been in, I think about my career growth, like, I started off as one thing. And I slowly became another. And then I slowly became another. And it's because I went back and did the thing that I did. First, I did some random thing that's there. And I think that imposter syndrome is weird, because I struggle with this concept of you are never hola you never complete or you're never at your end destination. And so starting out in something, not fully prepared. I don't think it's an imposter. I think you've identified one, you talk some dozen people. So how you elevate, talk to some people, you need to love on yourself a bit and give yourself the space and the mindset to be prepared to take on the world, you need to actually learn some stuff. And there may be things where you're short, right? So read a book, listen to a podcast, and, you know, do whatever you need to do to learn some things. But I think that that, I think it's a cyclical process that never stops. And so maybe in my mind, I'm saying, unless you are at a point where they say you have to know this in order to do this thing. Otherwise, you can get to where you need to be in time for, for doing the thing or being the thing that you need to get to. But I, I contrast that to the idea of if you always believe that you have to be at a particular point in order to move you'll never get there, right? Because that point to keep growing because you realize it like you realize in life, that you had a vision, actually, in the conversation I had with Fran she was telling me that she joined this group to learn more about one thing. And then when she got to the group, she realized that there was so much more in that group. But she did. She describes this this journey as she knew just enough to know that she wanted to be a part and that there was one thing that she learned. And then when she got in and she started to learn about that, she realized that there are three more things that she needs to learn. And then when you get in there, you realize that there's more things. And so if you are thinking that you are not qualified or or you shouldn't be in a place, if you are thinking that you don't belong. I think you don't even know what it takes to be that big. So how could that ever be a true scenario?

Speaker 1  13:07  
So this is, so I get all of that. So I think our society has, really this is the problem of society. Because I think when we're talking about impostor syndrome, it usually comes out with things like work, but I also see it in things like parenthood, as well. But, but apply that logic that you just said, though, like, all of this stuff is in our heads, think of a job description, like a job description. And as soon as you write that, ovaries is what makes you qualified to be a mother, like legitimately. And so I think that we've set these standards really high and write job descriptions have said that as the entry point, when really that's the aspiration.

Speaker 2  14:01  
So good. I've never thought about it in that way. The job is because the aspiration,

Speaker 1  14:07  
I mean, in theory should be why would you want to do a job that you already know how to do? How boring is that?

Speaker 2  14:15  
There's a whole population, people who like to do what they know that they're good at. But go ahead.

Speaker 1  14:19  
That's clearly not me. But I would just like to be that's the issue and like to overcome this idea of imposter syndrome. You just need to believe in your ability to rise to that occasion. Yep. Right.

Unknown Speaker  14:35  
yourself, right, to elevate yourself,

Speaker 1  14:37  
but not to believe that you're supposed to be somewhere that you're not. I think that's the critical philosophy. Yeah, but and I think that like,

Speaker 2  14:47  
this makes me think of the inverse, that if you don't feel like an impostor, you're not positioning yourself for growth. Like so what he just said, if your comfort trouble if this is something that you know you can do, and you're super confident, and what are you doing with your life, like, the area of

Unknown Speaker  15:08  
women out there like,

Speaker 2  15:10  
like, if you're not strong, I want to hire you. I don't want to hire, like even like thinking about the other areas like motherhood, like in relationships, like if your kids don't force you to think about how you can be a better mother and you think that you made it or that you are the perfect mom. There's some stuff that you're missing, right? Like, I miss some stuff that your kids will be missing because of your thought process.

Speaker 1  15:36  
So if you're not growing, you're dead or killing people.

Unknown Speaker  15:42  
I think we need to point out that killing people apart, if you're not growing, you're killing people. That's what we need to be saying.

Speaker 1  15:51  
Nothing I've never I've never thought about impostor syndrome in this way. So I appreciate you opening up that conversation about it. Because yeah, I think it's just a is a shift. It's a mind shift. But I think it's also is going back to this social media that you're talking about, like, you know, creating these false sense of realities that are creating this standard that you know, we're all just aspiring to no one's really there. Though, Am I any other things in this self worth this this? bore? Some think that I was an Excel like, No, I think it was amazing. Let's cut it. Like, well, yeah, hopefully, hopefully we gave you all enough to think about on how to elevate your self worth going forward. If you have any ideas, thoughts and topics, feel free to send them our way anytime but until next time on your girl and on Saturday.