Is everyone a hot mess?

Ava and Tashaunda realize they are both in a rut and wonder if we all are a hot mess. They are both overwhelmed and are working through how to get out of this space. Are you asking what you should do when you're not feeling yourself? In this episode, they unpack being proactive instead of reactive and provide tips on bouncing back from becoming a hot mess. 

00:23 Introductions 

00:46 Are we all a hot mess? 

01:58 What happened to us? 

04:27 Rectifiying our approach

07:40 We identified out why…now what? 

09:56 Taking time to retreat 

11:21 Solving the problem 

14:30 Outro

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Transcript

Speaker 1  0:24  
All right, welcome back to another episode of Blackrock fly. I'm your girl, Eva Marie,

Unknown Speaker  0:31  
and afterthought vixen.

Speaker 1  0:34  
And we are so glad to be back with y'all today. Today we have a an interesting topic, I would say. But the topic for today is, why do we feel like such a hot mess these we had a better way to articulate that,

Speaker 2  0:53  
by instead of some times I think you don't have the period of life where you get out of whack, right? Like, like something's not right, like you feel it, you know what you're experiencing that? What do you do when you're in this time?

Speaker 1  1:08  
So that's so interesting, I do feel like I get to these points, like every so often every, you know, couple years. And I just say everything is like out of order, like out of order. And so I'd look at like every aspect of life, you know, bidness, financial, spiritual, you name it, whatever categories are important to you. And I'd be like, out of order. Right now,

Speaker 2  1:39  
though, I do feel that that's what I'm going through now. And it's not just about one aspect of my life. It's like, I'm actually thinking about those things. And I do feel like a lot of them, like most of them are kind of out.

Speaker 1  1:58  
Loud, right? I feel like we started this year, on such a high. Feeling good quick.

Speaker 2  2:10  
So let's, let's think about it for me, I would say that I think I over concentrated in one area. And then, like even that area has become a little overwhelming to me. Does that make sense? Like, like, what happened was I let go of some other things to focus on one thing. And then this one thing, I guess, because it was like all consuming became overwhelming.

Speaker 1  2:41  
Just very interesting. I feel like I took a similar approach. But in that thing, they get overwhelming. You're very right about that. Because just I just threw myself into it. But for me, I think I took that approach as a solution like, well, if you get this one thing in order, it actually will impact everything else. That was at least my thought process. That thing is still out of order. So

Speaker 2  3:10  
is everything working? So is it that we need to evaluate that like, I think I think I did similar results. I thought if I focus on this, I can organize everything else. So I guess the question is, is are we saying that that method doesn't work? I mean, there's there's things we have to consider, right? We are three dimensional beings, we there's so many facets, us I think that we kind of have to maintain at some level to be successful.

Speaker 1  3:45  
No, I'm still taping, I have still in my head have not been convinced that that's not the right pathway. I think that the other things do need to be addressed. But I feel like if this big one is addressed, it will able you to address the others. For me that's that feels slightly different than like this one thing is going to solve all those problems. That's not what I'm saying. There's one thing will make those other things easier to solve. But yeah, there's still work, I think that needs to be done in those other areas. So I guess what you're asking is like, well, what went wrong with it approaches will be rectified the approach? I mean, I think I think there's something to what you're getting at is like it consumed us focusing on that one thing. But to me when you say that it's like, should we have been not focusing on it as the sole thing and so that I'm still not ready to let go up? So my question is really around. We let it consumers but were we intentional about the consumption?

Unknown Speaker  4:57  
Or were you part right Hey. Yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense. Now. I'm thinking again, if you guys can't see me thinking, but

Speaker 2  5:10  
is it about maybe it's more about not being react but be more proactive in your approach

Speaker 1  5:24  
that's a really good point. Because I think in the, in the as part of the consumption, I really was just reacting to everything. Not being strategic about, this is what I'm doing to tackle the monster. I was just like, I'm in here, and I'm battling this monster and you know, is beat me up. I'm getting some punches this back and forth,

Speaker 2  5:53  
actually had a conversation that's so interesting. Come up, I had a question a conversation about. So I was talking to someone, I'm gonna put all my business out there, because that's what how I do that on this podcast. And I was like, I'm really struggling. I was like, I have so much to do. And I'm not maintaining anything. Well, right now, like, I'm really struggling with this. And she was like, Oh, you have so much support. And I was like, Yeah, I have support, but support. They're not doing the things that I need them to do in the way that I need them to do it. And we were going back and forth. And what you said is, he said, Shana, I know, I know who you are. And I stopped seeing you before. And she's like, You say what you need, but you don't hold people accountable to what you need. And that so if you're giving this part, you are no longer controlling the situation. They are controlling you. And I was like, wow, that's deep. And so I think about that, and what we were just saying about being reactive versus being proactive. I think it's in the same thing that it sounds that we may be in and you and I and separate things may be in a situation where we've allowed this thing that we're focusing on to control us instead of us controlling it. And so when I say that, more tactically, maybe it's about sitting down and reevaluating. What was I supposed to be getting out of this? What am I getting out of this? And how do I write that ship?

Speaker 1  7:27  
And then, so okay, that started point. Getting back to our why, yeah, it sounds like a step one. And then what

Unknown Speaker  7:45  
you're gonna solve everything in two seconds, I

Speaker 1  7:47  
just came to this realization, you're gonna love. We struggle it.

Speaker 2  7:55  
I would start there. I think that our actions will, or I think that that dialogue, and really understanding that and then comparing that to where we actually are. I think that'll give us a direction and more of the baseline for creating a plan that actually works. But it may not be better. Going back from where we were before. I think the starting point was that we thought that maybe we were too consumed, but it sounds like maybe we're just not in alignment.

Unknown Speaker  8:26  
Okay, Jen, okay. We need to get re alive.

Speaker 2  8:33  
Yes, yes. Yeah. So I mean, think about that. Can you Does that resonate with you and kind of your your experience?

Speaker 1  8:42  
I mean, it's a theory. I think that's all I got right now. Like, I can try this. You know, I'm a person of like, action. I'm like, Okay, I heard it. Let me go try this out. If you don't fix my problem, then I'm be like, Was that was that what happened? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, yeah, I mean, I think that's real. I have been thinking about the why a little bit already. Not necessarily that alignment piece. But certainly, I'm so far away from the why is this in a dad thing does that you know, the alignments not there

Speaker 1  9:35  
just left la does that mean that I feel like that's the best for me to think about but um, yeah, so hopefully you get an update from us that we're not a hot minute overdue.

Speaker 2  9:54  
But we've actually realized, made sure that we were doing the right thing. It actually I'm sorry, it was back out. But the retreats, I haven't retreated in so long.

Speaker 1  10:06  
I have a cuter retreat on my calendar you want to come

Speaker 2  10:11  
with but but just in the line of getting back to that, and it refocusing and making sure that you are alive.

Speaker 1  10:26  
Yes, I have now retreated also less probably, that probably has a lot to do with it this time to like, you know, spin recenter and remind us of our priorities. I nodded, last quarters planning, and it was just in a haze, like literally, I did it over maybe a week and a half. Had a couple of meetings with folks. I was traveling for client work. And I was just like literally piecemealing it together in a couple hours before I was presenting it out. I'm like, I believe in some slides because I didn't get a fish. So that was my part of the planning. And that disheveled man is probably you know why still?

Speaker 2  11:18  
Yeah, yeah. So if you're a hot mess, I think that it really is about giving back yourself evaluating your situation. And I think it's okay to be calm a hot mess. But that is a red flag something much larger that you need to address.

Speaker 1  11:36  
Yeah, yeah, I did that. And the other piece I will add is like, I think I think you're visiting. I don't know what it feels like, there's got to be a little controversial. But to me the vision, is that different from the why, like?

Speaker 2  11:56  
I think it depends on what you consider to be your vision. All right, like, what so how would you define your vision? And then I guess I better tell you that your why.

Speaker 1  12:05  
Yeah, cuz I was wanting to ask that on Matoba. And then I answer your question, because, you know, I think we're talking about getting back to your why. But in my head, I wanted to say, which is, you know, recenter, your vision, your vision board, you know, whatever you have put together in terms of what you're trying to reach. But for me, the vision is like, what is the outcome, the end result? But for me the why? I could see how it could be the same for people. But for me the why it's like a way to get to the that end result. To me, it's not necessarily the same as the end result. Yeah, I can't see

Speaker 2  12:50  
an instance where I believe that it was on July, I'll always give some very basic examples, like, holding a bunch of real estate can be a vision, being a pilot could be a vision, but I don't think that speaks to. I think the Y is the fuel that gets you to the end result.

Speaker 1  13:11  
Yeah, that's, yeah. Is that vehicle? Yeah. Yeah, that's what that's what I was thinking about it. But I think some people's vision, well, okay, I'm not gonna dissect this, because I'm feeling like I'm going down a rabbit hole, but I liked that exam. Yeah, I agree with that. And that's how I was thinking about, at least that's how I was thinking about it for me, like, you know, I started a business like, I have, like, all time, you know, more time flexibility, build a family, things like that. But that's not the vehicle. When to get me to that vision. The business really is that vehicle, and you have to structure it in a way that serves that vision, right? To get her thinking. Thanks, darling. Yeah. So I think that's it for now. I wanted to leave out with more questions than it is today. But really think about, you know, how are you feeling right now? And if you're not out of order, listen, I'm like, be happy and cherish that moment. But know that at any time, you can fall into a rut, and tishanna and I just so happened to be in Iran at the same

Speaker 3  14:24  
breath all right. Yeah. So until next time, I'm your girl. Tanisha Nicole, and I'm Shana Dixon and we are black girl fly