Black Girl Fly: Embrace Purpose + Build Wealth

Great Expectations

December 18, 2023 Tenisha & Tashaunda Season 6 Episode 13
Black Girl Fly: Embrace Purpose + Build Wealth
Great Expectations
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Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

On today's episode of BGF, Ava and Tashaunda discuss internal expectations that are holding them back and creating stress. Where did they come from? You only have 24 hours in a day, so how can you manage these great expectations? They consider lowering expectations, prioritizing, and being intentional when managing expectations. What do you think?

Are you running your life or is it running you?


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00:22 Introductions
01:34 Where did we get these concepts from? 
02:20 What are your internalized expectations? 
06:50 Are you running your life? 
09:00 Our true expectations of ourselves 
13:30 Outros



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Speaker 1 | 06;00;14;16 | 06;00;18;20 | Welcome back to another episode of Black Lie. I'm your Girl. Eva marie. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;00;18;27 | 06;00;20;04 | And I started Excel. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;00;21;14 | 06;00;30;12 | Today. I mean, I feel like we haven't talked about this topic in a while, but, you know, we like to spill the tea here. You had a good day. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;00;30;13 | 06;00;32;19 | I'll be spilling the tea. But, okay, you. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;00;32;19 | 06;00;54;27 | Know, this is this isn't like spilling tea, but we want to just happy to reflect a bit on relationship. We are entering into a new season and so it only makes sense for us to reflect on where we are on such important things as relationships. So yeah, painted over to you. Go ahead to show that. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;00;54;27 | 06;01;20;14 | We are where we are. Well, I want to say I think I've learned a lot, so I don't know if I'll you know, I've been my partner now for going on eight years and we have three children together. Biologically, we have four children total. And I really struggle that you are actually here. In the earlier season, I struggled a lot with the desire to be married out of love. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;01;20;15 | 06;01;47;24 | You guys listen to this podcast for a very long. You guys know that I'm I've been married once and divorced once, and I'll be with my partner for a very substantial amount of time. And so we kind of started off our relationship in a weird space. I basically was a high school sweetheart that we dated really off and on from the age of 15 to 22. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;01;49;20 | 06;02;12;02 | We then separated and I'll tell the story. In that time I got married, he had a child and then I was ready to have kids. And so I called them and I was like, Hey, you're the only person I could ever see, you know, having a kid with. What do you do that like, just be open about it? |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;02;12;15 | 06;02;45;05 | I had some health concerns about how I'm going to be able to have a kid or I would have a two year and that kind of thing. I was like 31, 32 and that in that range. And he was like, Yeah, I'm here with you. And so we really start off, I say, in the conventional way. And what I learned is through the last eight years is that there's a lot of work for both of us to do on who we are, how he relationships, what our beliefs were about relationships, how we work with each other. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;02;47;01 | 06;03;17;16 | And now I guess I'm to the point though, where I'm like, I think it's time for us to get married. Why we? I mean, he did it backwards, of course. So the double standards, but I couldn't imagine having kids with anyone else. And he's a great father. He is a little different than I expected that we're great. Father is a little different than what I anticipated, that maybe prior to being in the relationship. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;03;17;16 | 06;03;44;13 | But for me, it's like I realize that a part of me feels I'm protected by not being married to him. And when I say that, I mean I was actually having a conversation with him about it. And and I found out actually, this is it. I found out that he really has trauma related with this idea of marriage. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;03;44;13 | 06;04;23;02 | And it stemmed from some of his past experiences, both by personally with having a child with someone else and that battle and even with his vision or view of other married couples, that what he experienced, that they experience and how they connect to his own trauma. I was we actually we had a big, big argument. We went on a trip for his birthday and he couldn't like he was like this is why I don't like he told me he's like, This is why I don't want to get married. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;04;23;17 | 06;04;51;18 | And when he explained it to me, I was like, Do, but that's not me. Like and the thing that I always point to in a session with him was I was in a situation in my in my first marriage where I basically drew up the divorce decree on my own. And even though my ex and I weren't in the best space, I was very fair. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;04;51;19 | 06;05;11;06 | Like it was very even and not vindictive. And this understanding of we're both human and that this didn't work out. And I wouldn't take that in any way to try to hurt him or to to separate that and that. And so I was I was having a hard time understanding where he was coming from because I'm like, well, you have to put this on me. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;05;11;06 | 06;05;39;09 | And I realized through that conversation we went back and forth. He was like, This is what I've experienced and this is what I'm scared of. And this is where I hope it. And it still I had to I had to recognize that this I can't change your trauma. Right. And that there's things that you personally have to go through or has to really feel in order to even have in place in order to get through it. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;05;39;28 | 06;06;01;27 | And so right now I'm like, we can we can we can work through that. And so he's opened up to me the things that would make him feel secure. And it was really cute. I didn't think about what he said it, though, and he was like, in our arguments we had this longer pause when we were traveling around for his birthday and he was like, Oh, I love you. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;06;01;27 | 06;06;37;11 | Like like, you can't take this as I don't love you. Like, that's not what I'm saying to you. And for me, I was like, you guys, I'm sure you guys up here in this podcast, I've always been a control freak. Like, I'm like, I could orchestrate this, I could figure this out, I could solve this thing. But I had to recognize that I can't make him heal, that I can't change the situation that he's gone through that made him feel this way, that there's nothing about me that could change those things. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;06;37;15 | 06;06;57;12 | And so what I realized that there was things that he needed in order to feel safe, in order to feel secure from his own personal experiences and so that's where we're at now. I don't know what I'm proving that if he ever decide for this podcast, he might be a little other way. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;06;57;12 | 06;07;02;04 | We try to get him to listen to the podcast. This is our sacred space. Okay? He needs a list. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;07;02;24 | 06;07;07;11 | Of this thing. This is like season four. You know, I want to get through this. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;07;07;17 | 06;07;09;18 | Season five is a lot of episodes. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;07;09;18 | 06;07;10;24 | You got a lot of those. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;07;11;02 | 06;07;41;27 | I know, but I love that. I love the transparency. And I had a like a relating moment as you were talking and I was like, So basically for the listeners, herbo and we are the same person. You say we have the same personality and think very similarly, which actually is very interesting because I'm like actually feeling the way that he feels right now. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;07;42;03 | 06;08;10;05 | Yeah, So I'm a believer. I think we talked in an episode about, you know, internalized expectations. I don't know. I don't know that this was an internalized expectation, but ever since I was young, I wanted to be a mother. Like that has always been a goal of mine. You know, I would always tell people in college of like, Listen, I just want to be a stay at home mom. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;08;10;05 | 06;08;48;28 | They're like, So why are you studying engineering? I was like, This is just formality. So it's really, you know, a path to me being a stay at home mom. But I also like always saying, like in the same breath, I at one point had said, I don't care, like if I have partner or not, I still want to have kids like and then I woke up and I was like, No, that sounds crazy cause I know a lot of single mothers that Oballa is a really hard life if you don't have to like that, it's not something that, you know, for me I will be willing to sign up for. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;08;48;28 | 06;09;10;12 | But I know, of course there are circumstances that are beyond your control that can happen at any moment. But I say all that to say is I knew I always wanted to be a mother. Like I always feel like that actually was something from God. I did not always know that I wanted to be a wife. And so that to me is very different. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;09;13;06 | 06;09;13;11 | And. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;09;15;06 | 06;09;28;10 | And I really I am in my early thirties and I'm still trying to understand what it means to be a wife and like, what? How do you prepare for that? Because I just don't. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;09;28;11 | 06;09;28;24 | Have. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;09;29;12 | 06;10;09;06 | The knowledge or the access to that. And so in the last few years though, I've been pretty I've been pretty confident that marriage was, you know, going to be a part of my journey and that I needed to start to prepare for that. And, you know, I think still in in theoretical terms, marriage sounds great, but I think in practicality, like it is so scary, like it is the idea is frightening to me. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;10;09;08 | 06;10;14;20 | It's my personality. You know, I kind of like to be a free spirit. I don't like the. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;10;15;24 | 06;10;17;27 | Idea of like. So I would. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;10;17;27 | 06;10;20;10 | Hear you cut off in the beginning. What would you. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;10;20;10 | 06;10;42;07 | Think? I would say, I will never forget that. So I feel that I have to be something for everybody. I think that not enough people go to this idea of marriage with the right mindset. When I first got married, the pastor, I'll never forget this. The pastor said this and it was really scared. I was terrified. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;10;43;24 | 06;11;15;06 | Except when you really think about scary in a natural light, I'm the type of person I am and change jobs every two years. Like if I'm if a relationship gets hard, I'm out. Like, this is just counter nature to everything that is that I believe in. No, but I'm also a Christian. And so, you know, I think that is literally the only saving grace they like the thing that I really, really have to lean on as I think about a commitment to marriage. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;11;15;24 | 06;11;47;00 | So I say I'm saying all of that to really help juxtapose, juxtapose the view. I think our human natural belief like it is scary, but it is not a human natural thing. It is a faith in God thing. And that is what I have learned the most out of my relationship. Right now. I'm scared as hell all the time to be continuing to be in a relationship, to communicate, to like, you know, still choose to love someone every day. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;11;47;00 | 06;11;47;26 | But I refuse. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;11;47;28 | 06;11;58;13 | To be single. Just to be clear. Like, I think that people don't talk about that like, like to marry is a hard thing that makes their life harder. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;11;59;23 | 06;12;03;28 | But it makes your life harder for the better. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;12;04;03 | 06;12;04;20 | Yes. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;12;04;26 | 06;12;20;01 | Yes. And I think, you know, single, single ness. I think you get lonely like it can feel hard, but like there is no one forcing you to improve. So, yeah, I think I see. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;12;20;03 | 06;12;36;02 | You in your mass. Like. Like for me, like there are times in my relationship where. And it's so funny, cause now he doesn't even have to say anything to me. I see him see me be a certain way, and I'm like, I got to be better. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;12;36;02 | 06;12;37;09 | And you want to be better. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;12;38;02 | 06;13;05;13 | You might like. It's the point where he doesn't even have a faith in me like him seeing me in whatever I'm in, I go, I need to be better. Right? Like. Like he can see this in me. And for that reason, I need to make some change. And when you saw that moment, I was about how a girl with even my 20 hours eating and cheese and salsa for breakfast. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;13;07;06 | 06;13;09;01 | What is that? I go. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;13;09;12 | 06;13;41;01 | Oh, no, I still do that, you know. But I mean, it is. I think that's so true, though. Like it creates a standard in your life that is not there before. I think being in a relationship and I venture to say, like, depends on how proximate you are in your relationship, because I've been in long distance relationships and I've been in relationships where you don't live with the person and you can get away with a lot of stuff in both of those scenarios. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;13;41;01 | 06;13;53;17 | Still have to talk about it. So let's say it's Carlos and his previous relationship. We talking about his relationship. He was like, we were good as long we Olivia, we moved it. I like this. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;13;53;17 | 06;13;59;22 | I know where you escape. Listen, though, you may want to and though you may try. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;14;00;11 | 06;14;00;26 | Yes. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;14;01;05 | 06;14;22;15 | Yeah, you can hide. And I think that's like the beauty and the hardness of, you know, you got to confront this stuff. You know, You can't, like, just wish it away or just ignore it. Like, it's just now because you want to have a pleasant life. And sometimes you guys got to get through in order to get to the places in life. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;14;23;12 | 06;14;25;29 | And that's, I think sometimes the harder part of things. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;14;26;17 | 06;14;42;28 | But with all of this process, where are you in your relationship now? Like like, what are you thinking about? Like, like, how are you weigh those benefits, the the hardness of that? Like. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;14;43;21 | 06;15;13;22 | Yeah, so, so and so my partner and I, we moved in together a few months ago, which was a huge, huge faith move on both of our parts. And neither of us actually wanted to do this, but we got advised, man, you know, from a trusted advisor and we decided to do that. And really it all, it was pure faith. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;15;14;21 | 06;15;47;27 | We both did that because it is not something that either of us had planned and either of us actually wanted to do. And there's been a lot of learning, I think, throughout the last several months. But I think for me the biggest learning, like I was pretty like set like on marriage, but now I'm just like, yes, I want to be married, but I'm like, it could happen in a couple years, You know, I'm okay with that. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;15;48;04 | 06;16;16;20 | And so at least I think it has taken like our time together has actually taken a bit of the urgency away. And I think not for the reasons that most people might think, but I just think that living in such close proximity has made me realize like, wow, there's still so much that we need to learn about each other. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;16;16;22 | 06;16;35;22 | So I have that thought. But I also know that if God told me that we need to get married tomorrow, I would not want to. But what I do it. Yes, because, you know, I believe in God and it would be a faith move again. And, you know, I have the understanding and the belief that we have our whole lives to explore. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;16;35;22 | 06;16;54;28 | We don't have to have all the answers before we get married. Like I also know all of those things to be true. So I kind of straddling both ends is I'm okay if we do, I'm okay if we don't right away. Like I have peace with both scenarios. And I know that, you know, God is really the one at the end of the day is. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;16;55;10 | 06;17;20;25 | What you know, like what about your move in together has to move that urgency. Like what is it that made you feel like? So it wasn't just the part that you realized that there is more to him, more to the relationship? Like like what made you realize that there wasn't as urgent? |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;17;22;05 | 06;17;53;13 | So what I feel this way if we didn't live together. No, I think because the reason we didn't want to move in together is because we both believed that we had to at least be engaged in order to live together. And I knew that being in such close proximity, like you're able to continue to develop your relationship in a different way than you are living separately in the same city or living long, distant. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;17;54;07 | 06;18;19;16 | And so I may I fit there currently feel challenged by the level that we're on and to me, marriage would be adding another level of difficulty to that that I don't think is totally necessary for us right now as we still figure out, you know, how to master the level that we're at. But if we were challenged by then, you know, that's what we did. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;18;19;16 | 06;18;49;28 | We would figure it out. Right? And so I think we got enough on our plates. It's kind of like the simple answer or the interim. But I think before part of the urgency was like, okay, well, what was our relationship growing like? Because we're in a place of stagnation and I suspect that we would get there too. Like once we mastered this level, it would feel like, you know, we're not growing, we're not challenging each other, like we're not becoming better people as a part of being together. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;18;50;07 | 06;18;51;02 | So what are we doing? |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;18;51;12 | 06;19;03;25 | It more seems like it's more about easier. Like you guys were looking for what was the next phase of growing together? I think I was, Yeah, I was. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;19;04;16 | 06;19;08;18 | Baby boy. I was cool. Oh, well, everything was copacetic. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;19;09;01 | 06;19;13;06 | I still do like you feel like he knows you more than you feel like you know him. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;19;13;24 | 06;19;18;00 | And I think that that is true. And I know that actually is true. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;19;18;29 | 06;19;19;16 | To myself. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;19;19;27 | 06;19;34;03 | But it's because it's because and this is one of our difficulties. But like he does it share a he defaults a lot to me because. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;19;34;18 | 06;19;41;12 | I think that's because that's not how he learned that. Well like even though he knows you because he is observed, you witnessed the figure. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;19;41;12 | 06;20;05;06 | You know? No, I thought that that was also true. But in it and this has been one of the things in our time living together, I'm like, wow. Like, I actually don't know you that well. And why is that? And it's because he doesn't come out and say, like, I literally have to pull all stuff out of him. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;20;05;24 | 06;20;10;25 | But I've always been so self-absorbed, like, I've never known this before. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;20;11;05 | 06;20;14;11 | Think you're always taught me to tell. Now you didn't see that being a thing. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;20;15;21 | 06;20;44;06 | But it's not even that. It's like so like literally yesterday I was like, you know, well, like, what are some of the things, you know, that you want to do with like a couple in his whenever I asked him a question, his automatic response is to ask me a question. And naturally I would just answer the question, not realizing that he never answered the original question because we would start to go on a tangent about the thing that I like it. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;20;44;07 | 06;21;07;20 | So you can say it was him being more observant, but no, like I don't know why. He just is not more like forthcoming. He just flipped the script out and it's always been like that and I just never realized like, Oh, I'm not getting the info back. All right. So that's a bit that's a bit of a weird thing in our relationship. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;21;07;20 | 06;21;13;12 | But I'm like, I know so many things about him, but I'm like, there's stuff that I just wonder about now. And like, I just I. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;21;13;12 | 06;21;32;14 | Think I'm the same kind of guy, like my partner as well. Like, well, he, he, I think he's like that with everyone, though, if that is the main thing that I've seen him in rooms. And it's so funny because he's so personable, like everyone's like, Oh, I love him. And they don't realize they know absolutely nothing about him because he does. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;21;32;14 | 06;21;34;22 | Exactly. Yeah, exactly. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;21;35;21 | 06;22;05;14 | Yeah. So I think that that has definitely slipped under the radar. So I've learned now to just like change the question that I'm asking and like, call him out on it too, because like, there's so much to him that I want to know. And like, I think it's a I mean, that I have to know also, when we're talking about marriage the other day, it's like, yes, there's the whole love and marriage thing. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;22;05;14 | 06;22;30;22 | But like this is your emergency contact. You need to know them as well as they know themselves, because if they're ever not able to make a decision, you're their proxy is like, we need to know each other that well. And I don't feel like I know him that well. And so, you know, I feel that's why I keep saying like, I feel like we're challenged enough at this level with like, they know I to pay attention. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;22;30;27 | 06;22;39;11 | I need to learn business. So you're not of work to do. Yeah. Yeah. So that that's just a little bit about where I am right now. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;22;40;26 | 06;22;42;07 | I mean, we go out to. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;22;43;20 | 06;22;44;09 | All this. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;22;44;09 | 06;22;48;25 | He oh, we're whatever, you know. Yeah. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;22;49;04 | 06;22;52;23 | He would never listen to that. So hopefully but his family members like. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 2 | 06;22;53;18 | 06;23;05;17 | For my kids though, when they need something happens to be this outcast. I didn't put it. My will have to listen to the whole podcast. So what happened? That's actually really good. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 
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Speaker 1 | 06;23;06;10 | 06;23;22;19 | And add that to the will. A Love it. I love it. But yeah, so yeah, that's a lot for me, especially to experience, to be. So until next time I am you girls and he's Nicole and I'm Shannon Dixon and we are black girl flag. |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | 

Introductions
Where did we get these concepts from?
What are your internalized expectations?
Are you running your life?
Our true expectations of ourselves
Outros