Adulting Realistically and Responsibly

In this episode of BGF, Ava and Tashaunda explore the challenges of 'adulting,' sharing stories about aging and the importance of handling responsibilities. They discuss the consequences of neglecting adult duties and the need to realistically prepare children for adulthood. 

The conversation emphasizes that adulting requires making choices that significantly impact one’s life and lineage. The hosts advocate for actively engaging with life's challenges rather than avoiding them, underscoring the importance of embracing adulthood for a fulfilling life.

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00:32 Intro
00:58 Realities of Aging
5:37 Responsibilities
11:04 Unprepared for Adulthood
12:16 Embracing Adulthood
13:30 Final Thoughts

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Transcript

13;55;58;22 - 13;56;05;26

Speaker 1

Oh. Welcome back to another episode of Black Girl Play. I'm Marie.

13;56;05;28 - 13;56;08;03

Speaker 2

And I shot addiction.

13;56;08;05 - 13;56;14;27

Speaker 1

And so today we're talking about adulting and the scam that it is.

13;56;14;29 - 13;56;18;00

Speaker 2

I feel like you can't say that. Like.

13;56;18;02 - 13;56;19;16

Speaker 1

Is it always a lie?

13;56;19;16 - 13;56;24;09

Speaker 3

They lie or not.

13;56;24;11 - 13;56;27;08

Speaker 2

So. So where exactly are you being scammed, ma'am?

13;56;27;11 - 13;56;29;10

Speaker 3

Oh, everything.

13;56;29;11 - 13;56;40;29

Speaker 1

So I feel like. So start it up with the simple example. If there was a walking the other day in the house and my foot just started cramping up.

13;56;40;29 - 13;56;47;24

Speaker 3

I know we like up there. I got a couple. I got a couple. No, Tell me why.

13;56;47;24 - 13;56;57;03

Speaker 2

The other day, yesterday, I could barely move. I don't know what happened, but my whole back hurt. Like, I tried to bend out like.

13;56;57;05 - 13;57;00;23

Speaker 1

Sort of wearing a back brace as we speak.

13;57;00;26 - 13;57;09;06

Speaker 2

Oh, the shorter part is I was with Charles's mom and his uncle, and she was like, I got that arthritis because I.

13;57;09;09 - 13;57;14;06

Speaker 3

Was like, Oh, I.

13;57;14;08 - 13;57;23;06

Speaker 2

Should know. It's a big brother. Came like hours later. And she was like, You got anything for the back pain? He's like, I got that arthritis. I see.

13;57;23;06 - 13;57;24;15

Speaker 3

Is that a thing?

13;57;24;17 - 13;57;29;07

Speaker 1

That's the thing. This is our future. And I don't think it's as far as we.

13;57;29;07 - 13;57;31;02

Speaker 3

Think.

13;57;31;04 - 13;57;44;11

Speaker 2

That happened. No, I'm sorry that happened the day before yesterday. I mean, yesterday I was running errands, and my car is is a little seedier car, whatever. So I was getting out and I twisted my head.

13;57;44;11 - 13;57;50;05

Speaker 3

I was like, I could. Oh, God.

13;57;50;07 - 13;57;52;20

Speaker 2

And then I was like, I think this is me even getting the.

13;57;52;23 - 13;57;55;25

Speaker 3

Whole little thing.

13;57;55;28 - 13;58;07;07

Speaker 1

I think it is because the fact that I have told this story about my foot to a couple of people is the response that I get is me. And they go, Tell me a story.

13;58;07;08 - 13;58;08;23

Speaker 3

But that's it.

13;58;08;23 - 13;58;17;14

Speaker 1

That's the problem right there. Adulting is a scam. The point in case, do I need to say any more?

13;58;17;16 - 13;58;18;10

Speaker 3

Oh, that's.

13;58;18;10 - 13;58;31;04

Speaker 2

Not exactly where I thought you were going to go. But this topic, it was definitely scam. I thought you were going to talk about the rise in interest rates or the home prices or. Or mom light Bill, keep going up. And I got.

13;58;31;04 - 13;58;33;12

Speaker 3

Solar.

13;58;33;15 - 13;58;35;04

Speaker 2

How about those, Gail?

13;58;35;06 - 13;58;39;05

Speaker 3

What a bridge to talk about. The real issues.

13;58;39;07 - 13;59;04;05

Speaker 1

I love those, too. But it's it's too. It's in every category is the reality. And I think that the first example is a really good illustration that no one, when we were younger, I mean, I feel like people said it. Maybe we just weren't listening and we thought we were invincible and like we it's only them. It ain't going to be us, you know?

13;59;04;08 - 13;59;08;06

Speaker 1

And I just feel like I just didn't know.

13;59;08;09 - 13;59;09;28

Speaker 3

I think that's.

13;59;10;00 - 13;59;11;03

Speaker 1

All the categories.

13;59;11;03 - 13;59;23;27

Speaker 2

No, I was talking to somebody and I keep saying, I'm getting old. And they were like someone was 40. They're like 48. So I was like, Yeah.

13;59;24;00 - 13;59;26;03

Speaker 3

I left that or.

13;59;26;05 - 13;59;31;14

Speaker 2

What? No, it was the first news that they made me. I'm just saying that cause you 41, I.

13;59;31;14 - 13;59;34;26

Speaker 3

Bet you do. Oh.

13;59;34;29 - 13;59;43;10

Speaker 1

I saw this the other day. Like a meme or whatever. Like, I can't believe they allowed us to be.

13;59;43;10 - 13;59;50;25

Speaker 3

Adults, but I believe Where The adult. What? No, no, I know, but.

13;59;50;28 - 14;00;12;08

Speaker 2

But the good news is, is I think everybody resisted, though, so I have a family member now who's same age as me. And he came back. He came to me and he's like, Can you believe people call me Uncle? Like I was? So he was like, I was at work and. Oh, come on.

14;00;12;10 - 14;00;14;08

Speaker 3

Do I look like an uncle.

14;00;14;10 - 14;00;19;23

Speaker 2

Ed In this case, I was like, So you are a.

14;00;19;26 - 14;00;21;25

Speaker 1

People your age have grandchildren.

14;00;21;28 - 14;00;23;11

Speaker 3

Actually.

14;00;23;14 - 14;00;24;07

Speaker 1

They used to be my.

14;00;24;07 - 14;00;25;23

Speaker 3

Grandpa, though.

14;00;26;00 - 14;00;30;03

Speaker 2

Physically, he does have nieces and nephews.

14;00;30;05 - 14;00;33;22

Speaker 3

Oh, you are. Oh.

14;00;33;25 - 14;00;41;24

Speaker 2

Oh, wow. So I also think that there's a portion of us that just don't want to admit, don't want to realize.

14;00;41;27 - 14;00;49;25

Speaker 1

How did this happen, that it's World War. I think we're unprepared for this.

14;00;49;28 - 14;00;54;15

Speaker 2

I think we were out there, people like P did, still dating 20 year olds.

14;00;54;18 - 14;00;57;23

Speaker 3

Who is he? Is.

14;00;57;26 - 14;01;00;23

Speaker 2

And they were tricking us.

14;01;00;26 - 14;01;02;09

Speaker 3

We we.

14;01;02;09 - 14;01;24;11

Speaker 1

Yes, we. We were deluded. Yeah. And so when I when I think about the scam that it's adulting, you know, I just there's so many responsibilities. I was talking to Sean earlier about I got a lot of things on my to do list, some of which, you know, I supposed to have done a couple a few weeks ago.

14;01;24;16 - 14;01;45;01

Speaker 1

Yeah. And I that I mean, they're like, like this is adulthood. Like when you don't do your homework, that's it. It's a you got to see it to deal with that. I assume that's really annoying. Like the stuff just don't go away.

14;01;45;08 - 14;01;51;26

Speaker 2

Like, it's not. It does not. And you don't deal with your taxes. They don't say you no longer have to pay taxes.

14;01;51;28 - 14;01;55;00

Speaker 1

You go to jail.

14;01;55;02 - 14;01;57;13

Speaker 3

You.

14;01;57;15 - 14;02;02;13

Speaker 1

Know, get out of jail free card, No, pay $200 and no, none of that.

14;02;02;16 - 14;02;10;16

Speaker 2

I was so upset thinking about this, Mario, I got a ticket. You know, when you drive through the tolls and you don't pay the ticket.

14;02;10;18 - 14;02;11;17

Speaker 3

Yeah.

14;02;11;20 - 14;02;14;12

Speaker 2

Oh, it's $5. Wow. All these people. $265.

14;02;14;15 - 14;02;21;12

Speaker 3

I'm like, Sir, I don't know what charges interest rate is. That happens. Yeah.

14;02;21;15 - 14;02;38;15

Speaker 1

Sounds like a payday loan. Oh, my word. I think this. Yes, I, I think that the the repercussions of our behavior in the action, I think the scale is just so much bigger.

14;02;38;17 - 14;02;50;00

Speaker 2

They are. And I'm trying to tell my kids this now. They want to know why I get mad when they don't clean the room. What happens when they get a two out of ten on the felony test?

14;02;50;02 - 14;02;54;10

Speaker 1

You get a two ed, your performance evaluation, you getting fired.

14;02;54;13 - 14;02;56;09

Speaker 3

Out of a job.

14;02;56;11 - 14;03;00;11

Speaker 2

And then that results in not paying rent. I mean, homeless.

14;03;00;14 - 14;03;07;18

Speaker 1

Right. So stop giving these kids stars for participation because that's unrealistic.

14;03;07;20 - 14;03;11;22

Speaker 2

Well, also. So speaking of that, people who are not adults in. Let's go.

14;03;11;22 - 14;03;13;12

Speaker 3

This is.

14;03;13;14 - 14;03;15;03

Speaker 1

All saying no.

14;03;15;03 - 14;03;27;11

Speaker 2

Way. All these kids who got stars, I'm having a have to hire them now. I don't want them. You can keep I'm pretty irresponsible, noncommittal.

14;03;27;13 - 14;03;31;18

Speaker 1

This is I'm pretty sure I'm in that category.

14;03;31;20 - 14;03;33;15

Speaker 3

Appreciate talking about me.

14;03;33;17 - 14;03;44;29

Speaker 2

I was telling someone I had an employee come to me three times in two weeks and say that they were late to a meeting because they overslept.

14;03;45;02 - 14;03;48;07

Speaker 3

The first was.

14;03;48;10 - 14;03;59;24

Speaker 2

First of all, you are remote. We did not make you put on your camera. All you had to do was.

14;03;59;24 - 14;04;03;10

Speaker 3

Roll over something to.

14;04;03;12 - 14;04;09;20

Speaker 2

Start on the meeting. You didn't have to say anything. We just made.

14;04;09;23 - 14;04;12;11

Speaker 1

You could a WebEx. So it.

14;04;12;14 - 14;04;14;11

Speaker 3

Oh, yeah.

14;04;14;14 - 14;04;16;21

Speaker 2

These are people we're not adopting.

14;04;16;23 - 14;04;20;09

Speaker 1

Okay? I'm not there.

14;04;20;11 - 14;04;21;03

Speaker 3

Oh.

14;04;21;05 - 14;04;23;03

Speaker 1

But I'm on the spectrum for sure.

14;04;23;05 - 14;04;40;12

Speaker 2

But I had another employee super bright. I was so excited about hiring him. He can break down problem, solve problems and whatnot. But he had a mental breakdown and said he was overwhelmed because it was too many people to talk to you. I had to.

14;04;40;12 - 14;04;47;23

Speaker 3

Fire his super big into people.

14;04;47;25 - 14;04;52;10

Speaker 1

Who many people, not too many people, only a few people.

14;04;52;12 - 14;04;56;25

Speaker 2

These are these people who are not adults.

14;04;56;28 - 14;05;08;27

Speaker 1

But how? This is my this is my baffling. How does this how do people like this function in society? I don't understand.

14;05;08;29 - 14;05;09;24

Speaker 2

I don't know.

14;05;09;26 - 14;05;12;13

Speaker 1

So so does $5.

14;05;12;13 - 14;05;33;19

Speaker 2

I don't know. Can I legally tell a story? I'm not saying their names. I guess I can probably have. So this one employee that was struggling with communication, the people I asked and I said, you know, this does seem like something that you should see someone about because I was like, doesn't this affect not just your work environment, but isn't this affecting your personal life?

14;05;33;21 - 14;05;51;21

Speaker 2

And he went on to tell me how his girlfriend's parents have come to town and they didn't tell him beforehand and that they were going to be there today and that they wanted to do dinner. And they told him last minute. So he said he wasn't going to dinner, that they did not give him enough.

14;05;51;25 - 14;05;54;06

Speaker 3

Advance notice.

14;05;54;09 - 14;06;00;21

Speaker 2

So that he could prepare to go to dinner with his girlfriend's parents.

14;06;00;23 - 14;06;02;18

Speaker 1

That sounds like something I would just.

14;06;02;21 - 14;06;03;23

Speaker 3

Like.

14;06;03;25 - 14;06;05;17

Speaker 1

But that sounds like something I would.

14;06;05;17 - 14;06;09;02

Speaker 3

Do.

14;06;09;04 - 14;06;19;14

Speaker 1

Unlike you that it takes me so I can put in my calendar. Oh, so I really think I'm these these folks that you're talking about.

14;06;19;14 - 14;06;28;24

Speaker 3

That's making me really concerned. Please don't me believe this.

14;06;28;27 - 14;06;53;12

Speaker 1

So I'm going to I'm going to say for the folks who are not adulting well, I empathize with you, but I've also had this so adulting this week and I feel like I've been wildly unprepared for the reality that it's adulting. But I'm sorry. Let me take and I also recognize that that is nobody's fault of my own.

14;06;53;14 - 14;06;56;08

Speaker 1

And so I need to get it together.

14;06;56;10 - 14;07;02;11

Speaker 2

I don't remember giving you any participation Stars trophies.

14;07;02;13 - 14;07;08;26

Speaker 1

I mean, I just had a flashback. Send them to me. What did you give me?

14;07;08;28 - 14;07;09;06

Speaker 3

Hello?

14;07;09;12 - 14;07;11;17

Speaker 1

Relive that trauma.

14;07;11;20 - 14;07;12;06

Speaker 3

Or just some.

14;07;12;06 - 14;07;14;05

Speaker 1

Examples you are thinking about?

14;07;14;05 - 14;07;21;29

Speaker 3

Oh, oh, Tuesday. Hey.

14;07;22;02 - 14;07;23;29

Speaker 1

Yeah, I don't think that was helpful either.

14;07;23;29 - 14;07;32;21

Speaker 2

So once again, I was your sister, not your parent.

14;07;32;24 - 14;07;36;05

Speaker 3

But yes.

14;07;36;07 - 14;08;05;28

Speaker 1

Oh, that's right. No, I think I think that's for me at least the big takeaway is that though I've been unprepared for adulting, I you can make a choice. You can continue to move about this world and not participate, not do your part, not carry weight, and the world will return that right back to you. And you going to be in a bad situation.

14;08;06;01 - 14;08;07;04

Speaker 1

Well, I'm going to say and.

14;08;07;04 - 14;08;15;05

Speaker 2

And as you get older, the repercussions of doing that become exponentially more severe as actually.

14;08;15;07 - 14;08;44;27

Speaker 1

Exactly. And so you can choose and life and these choices not they not only impact to you, but they impact your lineage. And so that's just not good. But if that's what you choose as such, you choose or you can choose to participate. You can choose to grow up, get it together, put on your big girl panties, and do the things that are nice, desirable to do.

14;08;44;27 - 14;08;53;28

Speaker 1

So I think part of that, you know, my foot's cramping up, I need to stretch. I need to make sure I'm stretched in Sharknado.

14;08;53;28 - 14;08;55;15

Speaker 3

Oh.

14;08;55;17 - 14;09;14;05

Speaker 1

So there are things that we really just need to do that. You know, in my twenties, it wasn't even a thought, but you know, I think to my own detriment. And so you can choose the heart that you want. The hard that's done, it ends you with the good result, your foot not hurting, but the hard of stretching.

14;09;14;08 - 14;09;19;14

Speaker 1

Or you can deal with the heart of life and it's your choice. Cannot choose.

14;09;19;14 - 14;09;20;04

Speaker 3

That.

14;09;20;07 - 14;09;22;02

Speaker 2

That's a word.

14;09;22;04 - 14;09;31;02

Speaker 1

Hey, go my drop down but it it they see the matter of.

14;09;31;02 - 14;09;32;23

Speaker 3

Adulting now.

14;09;32;25 - 14;09;38;12

Speaker 2

I think you said it didn't win it or meet the consequences.

14;09;38;14 - 14;09;45;12

Speaker 1

And get it all real Until next time you grow a memory that Shannon Dixon and we are black girl fly.